Twelfth Night · Act 4, Scene 1

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Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown
Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown
Clown

Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

Clown

Are you seriously going to make me believe that I wasn’t called for you?

Sebastian

Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow: Let me be clear of thee.

Sebastian

Oh, stop it. You’re a silly guy: Just leave me alone.

Clown

Well held out, i’ faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

Clown

Well done, really! No, I don’t know you; and I wasn’t sent by my lady to ask you to talk to her; your name isn’t Master Cesario; and this isn’t even my nose. Nothing is what it seems.

Sebastian

I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else: Thou know’st not me.

Sebastian

Please, take your nonsense somewhere else: You don’t know me.

Clown

Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my lady: shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

Clown

Take my nonsense somewhere else! You must’ve heard that phrase from some important person and now you’re using it on a fool. Take my nonsense somewhere else! I’m afraid the world, this big fool, will end up being a poser. Please, take off your weird act and tell me what to say to my lady: should I tell her you’re coming?

Sebastian

I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me: There’s money for thee: if you tarry longer, I shall give worse payment.

Sebastian

Please, foolish man, leave me alone: Here’s some money for you: if you stick around longer, I’ll give you a worse reward.

Clown

By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that give fools money get themselves a good report--after fourteen years’ purchase.

Clown

By my word, you have a generous hand. These wise men who give fools money earn a good reputation—after fourteen years of it.

Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN
Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN
Sir Andrew

Now, sir, have I met you again? there’s for you.

Sir Andrew

So, have I run into you again? Here’s something for you.

Sebastian

Why, there’s for thee, and there, and there. Are all the people mad?

Sebastian

Well, here’s something for you, and here, and here. Is everyone crazy around here?

Sir Toby Belch

Hold, sir, or I’ll throw your dagger o’er the house.

Sir Toby Belch

Hold on, or I’ll throw your knife across the house.

Clown

This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be in some of your coats for two pence.

Clown

I’m going to tell my lady this right now: I wouldn’t want to be in some of your shoes for two pennies.

Exit
Exit
Sir Toby Belch

Come on, sir; hold.

Sir Toby Belch

Come on, sir; stop.

Sir Andrew

Nay, let him alone: I’ll go another way to work with him; I’ll have an action of battery against him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I struck him first, yet it’s no matter for that.

Sir Andrew

No, leave him alone: I’ll try a different way to deal with him; I’ll sue him for assault if there’s any law in Illyria: even though I hit him first, it doesn’t matter.

Sebastian

Let go thy hand.

Sebastian

Let go of me.

Sir Toby Belch

Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.

Sir Toby Belch

Come on, I won’t let you go. Come on, my young fighter, put away your sword: you’re already in the fight; come on.

Sebastian

I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now? If thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.

Sebastian

I’ll get away from you. What do you want now? If you dare to push me further, draw your sword.

Sir Toby Belch

What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this malapert blood from you.

Sir Toby Belch

What, what? Well then, I must take a bit of your rude blood.

Enter OLIVIA
Enter OLIVIA
Olivia

Hold, Toby; on thy life I charge thee, hold!

Olivia

Stop, Toby; I swear on your life, stop!

Sir Toby Belch

Madam!

Sir Toby Belch

Madam!

Olivia

Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves, Where manners ne’er were preach’d! out of my sight! Be not offended, dear Cesario. Rudesby, be gone!

Olivia

Will it always be like this? Ungrateful fool, You belong in the wilderness and savage caves, Where no manners have ever been taught! Get out of my sight! Don’t be upset, dear Cesario. Go away, rude man!

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN
Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN
Olivia

I prithee, gentle friend, Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway In this uncivil and thou unjust extent Against thy peace. Go with me to my house, And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks This ruffian hath botch’d up, that thou thereby Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go: Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me, He started one poor heart of mine in thee.

Olivia

I beg you, kind friend, Let your good sense, not your anger, guide You in this unreasonable and unjust action Against your peace. Come with me to my house, And there you’ll hear about all the foolish things This thug has done, and you can laugh at it: You can’t refuse; come with me: Don’t say no. Curse his soul for me, He made me fall for you.

Sebastian

What relish is in this? how runs the stream? Or I am mad, or else this is a dream: Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep; If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!

Sebastian

What is happening here? Am I dreaming? Or am I going crazy? Let my mind sink into forgetfulness; If this is a dream, I want to keep dreaming!

Olivia

Nay, come, I prithee; would thou’ldst be ruled by me!

Olivia

No, come on, please; I wish you’d listen to me!

Sebastian

Madam, I will.

Sebastian

Madam, I will.

Olivia

O, say so, and so be!

Olivia

Oh, say that, and it will be so!

Exuent
Exit

End of Act 4, Scene 1

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