Twelfth Night · Act 3, Scene 4

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Enter OLIVIA and MARIA
Enter OLIVIA and MARIA
Olivia

I have sent after him: he says he’ll come; How shall I feast him? what bestow of him? For youth is bought more oft than begg’d or borrow’d. I speak too loud. Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil, And suits well for a servant with my fortunes: Where is Malvolio?

Olivia

I’ve sent for him: he says he’ll come; How should I entertain him? What should I give him? Because young men are often bought rather than asked for or borrowed. I’m speaking too loudly. Where’s Malvolio? He’s sad and polite, And seems like a good servant for my wealth: Where’s Malvolio?

Maria

He’s coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He is, sure, possessed, madam.

Maria

He’s coming, madam; but in a very strange way. He is definitely acting crazy, madam.

Olivia

Why, what’s the matter? does he rave?

Olivia

What’s going on? Is he out of his mind?

Maria

No. madam, he does nothing but smile: your ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in’s wits.

Maria

No, madam, he’s not doing anything except smiling. Your ladyship might want to have some guards nearby, if he comes; because, for sure, the man’s lost his mind.

Olivia

Go call him hither.

Olivia

Go call him here.

Exit MARIA
Exit MARIA
Olivia

I am as mad as he, If sad and merry madness equal be.

Olivia

I’m just as mad as he is, If sadness and silly happiness are both forms of madness.

Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO
Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO
Olivia

How now, Malvolio!

Olivia

How now, Malvolio!

Malvolio

Sweet lady, ho, ho.

Malvolio

Sweet lady, ho, ho.

Olivia

Smilest thou? I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.

Olivia

Are you smiling? I sent for you for a serious reason.

Malvolio

Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is, ’Please one, and please all.’

Malvolio

Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some blockage in my blood, this cross-gartering; but what about it? If it pleases one person’s eye, it’s like the true meaning of a sonnet, “Please one, and please everyone.”

Olivia

Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?

Olivia

Why, how are you, man? What’s wrong with you?

Malvolio

Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.

Malvolio

Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come into his hands, and orders must be followed: I think we all know the sweet Roman script.

Olivia

Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?

Olivia

Are you going to bed, Malvolio?

Malvolio

To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I’ll come to thee.

Malvolio

To bed! Yes, sweetheart, and I’ll come to you.

Olivia

God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss thy hand so oft?

Olivia

God comfort you! Why are you smiling so and kissing your hand so often?

Maria

How do you, Malvolio?

Maria

How are you, Malvolio?

Malvolio

At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.

Malvolio

At your request! Yes; nightingales answer crows.

Maria

Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?

Maria

Why are you acting so ridiculously bold in front of my lady?

Malvolio

’Be not afraid of greatness:’ ’twas well writ.

Malvolio

"Don’t be afraid of greatness": It was well written.

Olivia

What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?

Olivia

What do you mean by that, Malvolio?

Malvolio

’Some are born great,’--

Malvolio

"Some are born great,"--

Olivia

Ha!

Olivia

Ha!

Malvolio

’Some achieve greatness,’--

Malvolio

"Some achieve greatness,"--

Olivia

What sayest thou?

Olivia

What are you saying?

Malvolio

’And some have greatness thrust upon them.’

Malvolio

"And some have greatness thrust upon them."

Olivia

Heaven restore thee!

Olivia

May heaven bring you back to life!

Malvolio

’Remember who commended thy yellow stocking s,’--

Malvolio

"Remember who told you to wear those yellow stockings,"--

Olivia

Thy yellow stockings!

Olivia

Your yellow stockings!

Malvolio

’And wished to see thee cross-gartered.’

Malvolio

"And wanted to see you wearing them with crossed garters."

Olivia

Cross-gartered!

Olivia

Crossed garters!

Malvolio

’Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;’--

Malvolio

"Go on, you’re free to do as you wish if that’s what you want;"--

Olivia

Am I made?

Olivia

Am I free?

Malvolio

’If not, let me see thee a servant still.’

Malvolio

"If not, you can stay a servant, as you were before."

Olivia

Why, this is very midsummer madness.

Olivia

This is pure madness, just like midsummer madness.

Enter Servant
Enter Servant
Servant

Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino’s is returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he attends your ladyship’s pleasure.

Servant

Madam, the young gentleman from Count Orsino has returned. I could hardly convince him to come back. He is waiting for your ladyship’s orders.

Olivia

I’ll come to him.

Olivia

I’ll go to him.

Exit Servant
Exit Servant
Olivia

Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where’s my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry.

Olivia

Good Maria, make sure this man is looked after. Where’s my cousin Toby? Tell some of my people to keep a close eye on him—I don’t want him to ruin things, even if it means losing half my dowry.

Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA
Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA
Malvolio

O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in the letter. ’Cast thy humble slough,’ says she; ’be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of singularity;’ and consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her; but it is Jove’s doing, and Jove make me thankful! And when she went away now, ’Let this fellow be looked to:’ fellow! not Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.

Malvolio

Oh, so now you come near me? There’s no worse person than Sir Toby to keep an eye on me! This matches exactly with the letter: she sends him on purpose so I’ll seem stubborn to him; for she encourages me to do that in the letter. "Cast off your humble ways," she says; "be rude to a relative, grumpy with servants; let your speech be full of political arguments; make yourself stand out as someone unusual;" and then she goes on to explain how: a serious face, a dignified posture, speaking slowly, dressed like some important person, and so on. I’ve trapped her; but this is all Jove’s doing, and I thank Jove for it! And when she left just now, she said, "Let this man be looked after:" man! Not Malvolio, not someone of my rank, but man. Why, everything fits together, so perfectly that there’s not even a hint of doubt, not even the smallest obstacle—what can be said? Nothing at all can stop me from reaching the full height of my hopes. Well, Jove, not me, is the one making this happen, and Jove deserves the thanks.

Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
Enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
Sir Toby Belch

Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I’ll speak to him.

Sir Toby Belch

Which way is he, in the name of heaven? If all the devils of hell were summoned and Legion himself took over him, I’ll still talk to him.

Fabian

Here he is, here he is. How is’t with you, sir? how is’t with you, man?

Fabian

Here he is, here he is. How’s it going, sir? How’s it going, man?

Malvolio

Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go off.

Malvolio

Get away; I reject you: let me be alone: go away.

Maria

Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him.

Maria

Look, how empty the devil speaks through him! Didn’t I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady asks you to be careful with him.

Malvolio

Ah, ha! does she so?

Malvolio

Oh, really? Does she say that?

Sir Toby Belch

Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is’t with you? What, man! defy the devil: consider, he’s an enemy to mankind.

Sir Toby Belch

Come on, come on; quiet, quiet; we need to be gentle with him: leave me alone. How are you, Malvolio? How’s it going? What, man! Resist the devil: remember, he’s an enemy to all humans.

Malvolio

Do you know what you say?

Malvolio

Do you even know what you’re saying?

Maria

La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!

Maria

Look at him, when you talk badly about the devil, how he takes it personally! God, I hope he’s not cursed!

Fabian

Carry his water to the wise woman.

Fabian

Take him to the wise woman.

Maria

Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I’ll say.

Maria

Sure, and it’ll be done tomorrow morning, if I’m still alive. My lady wouldn’t let him go for anything I’d say.

Malvolio

How now, mistress!

Malvolio

What’s this, madam?

Maria

O Lord!

Maria

Oh Lord!

Sir Toby Belch

Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do you not see you move him? let me alone with him.

Sir Toby Belch

Please, be quiet; this isn’t helping: don’t you see you’re upsetting him? Leave me alone with him.

Fabian

No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and will not be roughly used.

Fabian

Only gentleness will work; softly, softly: the devil is rough, and won’t take being treated roughly.

Sir Toby Belch

Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?

Sir Toby Belch

Well, well, my dear boy! How are you, love?

Malvolio

Sir!

Malvolio

Sir!

Sir Toby Belch

Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! ’tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang him, foul collier!

Sir Toby Belch

Yeah, Biddy, come with me. What’s wrong with you! It’s not serious enough to play a game like cherry-pit with the devil: hang him, dirty coal man!

Maria

Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

Maria

Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, make him pray.

Malvolio

My prayers, minx!

Malvolio

My prayers, you brat!

Maria

No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.

Maria

No, I bet you, he won’t want anything to do with godliness.

Malvolio

Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow things: I am not of your element: you shall know more hereafter.

Malvolio

Go, hang yourselves! You’re lazy, shallow people: I don’t belong with you: you’ll find out more later.

Exit
Exit
Sir Toby Belch

Is’t possible?

Sir Toby Belch

Is it possible?

Fabian

If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.

Fabian

If this were happening on a stage, I’d say it was too far-fetched to be believable.

Sir Toby Belch

His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.

Sir Toby Belch

He’s caught the madness of the plan, man.

Maria

Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.

Maria

No, chase him now, before the plan gets out and ruins things.

Fabian

Why, we shall make him mad indeed.

Fabian

Well, we’ll actually make him go mad.

Maria

The house will be the quieter.

Maria

The house will be quieter then.

Sir Toby Belch

Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he’s mad: we may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see.

Sir Toby Belch

Come on, let’s lock him in a dark room and tie him up. My niece already thinks he’s mad; we can keep this up, for our fun and his punishment, until we’re tired of the game, at which point we’ll feel sorry for him. Then we’ll bring the plan to light and reward you as the one who discovered madmen. But wait, wait.

Enter SIR ANDREW
Enter SIR ANDREW
Fabian

More matter for a May morning.

Fabian

More drama for a May morning.

Sir Andrew

Here’s the challenge, read it: warrant there’s vinegar and pepper in’t.

Sir Andrew

Here’s the challenge, read it: I bet there’s vinegar and pepper in it.

Fabian

Is’t so saucy?

Fabian

Is it that sharp?

Sir Andrew

Ay, is’t, I warrant him: do but read.

Sir Andrew

Yes, it is, I bet you: just read it.

Sir Toby Belch

Give me.

Sir Toby Belch

Give it to me.

Reads
Reads
Sir Toby Belch

’Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.’

Sir Toby Belch

’Young man, whatever you are, you’re just a dirty scoundrel.’

Fabian

Good, and valiant.

Fabian

Good, and brave.

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for’t.’

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’Don’t wonder or be surprised in your mind, why I call you this way, because I won’t give you any reason for it.’

Fabian

A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.

Fabian

A good point; that keeps you safe from legal trouble.

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.’

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’You come to Lady Olivia, and in my sight, she treats you kindly: but you’re lying through your teeth; that’s not the reason I’m challenging you.’

Fabian

Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.

Fabian

Very brief, and with great logic—almost too little.

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me,’--

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’I’ll ambush you on your way home; and if it happens that you kill me,’--

Fabian

Good.

Fabian

Good.

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.’

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’You’ll kill me like a scoundrel and a villain.’

Fabian

Still you keep o’ the windy side of the law: good.

Fabian

Still, you’re staying on the safe side of the law: good.

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy, ANDREW AGUECHEEK. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I’ll give’t him.

Sir Toby Belch

[Reads] ’Goodbye; and God have mercy on one of our souls! He might have mercy on mine; but my hope is stronger, so take care of yourself. Your friend, as you treat him, and your sworn enemy, ANDREW AGUECHEEK. If this letter doesn’t affect him, his legs won’t either: I’ll give it to him.

Maria

You may have very fit occasion for’t: he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.

Maria

You might have a good reason to do it: he’s talking with my lady now and will leave soon.

Sir Toby Belch

Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away!

Sir Toby Belch

Go, Sir Andrew: wait for him at the orchard corner like a policeman: as soon as you see him, draw your sword; and, as you do, swear loudly and terribly; because often, a big, bold oath shouted out with confidence makes a man seem more manly than any proof of his skills could. Go!

Sir Andrew

Nay, let me alone for swearing.

Sir Andrew

Don’t worry, I know how to swear.

Exit
Exit
Sir Toby Belch

Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.

Sir Toby Belch

I won’t give him his letter: the way the young man behaves makes him seem clever and well-bred; his work for his lord and my niece proves it. So, this letter, being so completely clueless, won’t scare him: he’ll realize it’s from an idiot. But, I’ll deliver his challenge in person; I’ll spread a great story about Aguecheek’s bravery, and I’ll convince the young man, as I know he’ll believe it, that Aguecheek is furious, skilled, and dangerous. This will scare them both so much that they’ll fight each other just by looking at each other, like mythical creatures.

Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA
Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA
Fabian

Here he comes with your niece: give them way till he take leave, and presently after him.

Fabian

Here they come with your niece: let them pass until he says goodbye, and then follow him right after.

Sir Toby Belch

I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge.

Sir Toby Belch

I’ll think of a terrible message for a challenge in the meantime.

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA
Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA
Olivia

I have said too much unto a heart of stone And laid mine honour too unchary out: There’s something in me that reproves my fault; But such a headstrong potent fault it is, That it but mocks reproof.

Olivia

I’ve said too much to a heart that’s like stone, and have given away my honor too carelessly: there’s something inside me that makes me regret my actions; but it’s such a strong, stubborn fault, it just mocks any regret.

Viola

With the same ’havior that your passion bears Goes on my master’s grief.

Viola

Just like your passion, my master’s grief keeps going.

Olivia

Here, wear this jewel for me, ’tis my picture; Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you; And I beseech you come again to-morrow. What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny, That honour saved may upon asking give?

Olivia

Here, wear this jewel for me; it’s my picture. Don’t refuse it; it can’t speak to annoy you. And please, come back tomorrow. What could you ask of me that I wouldn’t give, as long as it doesn’t hurt my honor?

Viola

Nothing but this; your true love for my master.

Viola

Nothing except this: your true love for my master.

Olivia

How with mine honour may I give him that Which I have given to you?

Olivia

How can I give him what I’ve already given to you without hurting my honor?

Viola

I will acquit you.

Viola

I’ll take care of it.

Olivia

Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well: A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.

Olivia

Well, come back tomorrow: goodbye. A devil like you might drag my soul to hell.

Exit
Exit
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
Sir Toby Belch

Gentleman, God save thee.

Sir Toby Belch

Sir, God keep you.

Viola

And you, sir.

Viola

And you, sir.

Sir Toby Belch

That defence thou hast, betake thee to’t: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end: dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.

Sir Toby Belch

You’ve got a chance to defend yourself: I don’t know what wrongs you’ve done him, but your attacker, full of anger, as ruthless as a hunter, is waiting for you at the edge of the orchard. Put away your sword, get ready, because your enemy is quick, skilled, and deadly.

Viola

You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man.

Viola

You’re mistaken, sir; I’m sure no one has a quarrel with me: I’m clear of any wrongdoing or offense toward anyone.

Sir Toby Belch

You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.

Sir Toby Belch

You’ll find it’s not like that, I assure you: so, if you value your life at all, get ready to defend yourself; your opponent has everything—youth, strength, skill, and anger—that can make a man dangerous.

Viola

I pray you, sir, what is he?

Viola

Please, sir, who is he?

Sir Toby Belch

He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give’t or take’t.

Sir Toby Belch

He’s a knight, equipped with an untested sword, chosen for his social standing; but in a personal fight, he’s a demon. He’s killed three people, and right now his rage is so intense that only death or burial can calm it. "Hob, nob" is his phrase; you give or take the challenge.

Viola

I will return again into the house and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that quirk.

Viola

I’ll go back into the house and ask the lady to help me. I’m not a fighter. I’ve heard of people who start fights on purpose just to test others’ bravery—maybe this is one of those men.

Sir Toby Belch

Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury: therefore, get you on and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.

Sir Toby Belch

No, sir; his anger comes from a real injury. So, go on and give him what he wants. You can’t go back to the house unless you’re willing to do what I would do: you either fight or you swear never to carry a sword again.

Viola

This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose.

Viola

This is as rude as it is strange. Please, do me the kindness of finding out what I’ve done to offend the knight. It’s something I did by accident, certainly not on purpose.

Sir Toby Belch

I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return.

Sir Toby Belch

I’ll do that. Signior Fabian, please stay with this gentleman until I return.

Exit
Exit
Viola

Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?

Viola

Please, sir, do you know what this is about?

Fabian

I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.

Fabian

I know the knight is furious with you, to the point of a deadly duel; but I don’t know any details beyond that.

Viola

I beseech you, what manner of man is he?

Viola

Please, what kind of man is he?

Fabian

Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him if I can.

Fabian

Nothing like the great promise he looks to have based on his appearance, but you’ll see him for yourself in the test of his courage. He is, honestly, the most skilled, brutal, and deadly enemy you could find anywhere in Illyria. Do you want to go towards him? I’ll try to make peace between you if I can.

Viola

I shall be much bound to you for’t: I am one that had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I care not who knows so much of my mettle.

Viola

I’d be very grateful for that: I’m someone who would rather go with a priest than a knight: I don’t mind if people know that about me.

Exuent
Exuent
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW
Sir Toby Belch

Why, man, he’s a very devil; I have not seen such a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.

Sir Toby Belch

I tell you, man, he’s a real devil; I’ve never seen anyone like him. I had a fight with him, rapier and all, and he hit me with such deadly force that it was impossible to avoid; and when he strikes back, he does so with perfect precision. They say he was a fencing master to the Persian king.

Sir Andrew

Pox on’t, I’ll not meddle with him.

Sir Andrew

Damn it, I won’t mess with him.

Sir Toby Belch

Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can scarce hold him yonder.

Sir Toby Belch

But he won’t calm down now: Fabian can barely hold him over there.

Sir Andrew

Plague on’t, an I thought he had been valiant and so cunning in fence, I’ld have seen him damned ere I’ld have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

Sir Andrew

Damn it, if I’d known he was both brave and skilled with a sword, I would have rather been damned than challenged him. Let him forget the whole thing, and I’ll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

Sir Toby Belch

I’ll make the motion: stand here, make a good show on’t: this shall end without the perdition of souls.

Sir Toby Belch

I’ll take care of it: just stand here and look good doing it. This will all end without anyone’s soul being lost.

Aside
Aside
Sir Toby Belch

Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I ride you.

Sir Toby Belch

Honestly, I’ll ride your horse as easily as I could ride you.

Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA
Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA
To FABIAN
To FABIAN
Sir Toby Belch

I have his horse to take up the quarrel: I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.

Sir Toby Belch

I’ve got his horse to settle the quarrel: I’ve convinced him that the young man’s a devil.

Fabian

He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.

Fabian

He’s so full of himself about it; he’s panting and looking pale, like a bear is chasing him.

Sir Toby Belch

[To VIOLA] There’s no remedy, sir; he will fight with you for’s oath sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.

Sir Toby Belch

[To VIOLA] There’s nothing we can do, sir; he will fight with you because of his oath: but actually, he’s thought more about his quarrel, and he now thinks it’s not even worth discussing: so draw your sword, to keep his vow; he promises he won’t hurt you.

Viola

[Aside] Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

Viola

[Aside] I pray God protect me! A small thing would make me show them how little of a man I am.

Fabian

Give ground, if you see him furious.

Fabian

Step back, if you see him getting angry.

Sir Toby Belch

Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour’s sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to’t.

Sir Toby Belch

Come on, Sir Andrew, there’s nothing we can do; the gentleman will, for the sake of his honour, fight with you; he can’t avoid it by the rules of the duel: but he’s promised me, as a gentleman and a soldier, that he won’t hurt you. Come on; let’s get on with it.

Sir Andrew

Pray God, he keep his oath!

Sir Andrew

I pray God, he keeps his promise!

Viola

I do assure you, ’tis against my will.

Viola

I swear to you, this is not what I want.

They draw
They draw
Enter ANTONIO
Enter ANTONIO
Antonio

Put up your sword. If this young gentleman Have done offence, I take the fault on me: If you offend him, I for him defy you.

Antonio

Put away your sword. If this young gentleman has done something wrong, I take the blame for it: If you hurt him, I challenge you in his place.

Sir Toby Belch

You, sir! why, what are you?

Sir Toby Belch

You, sir! What are you?

Antonio

One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

Antonio

I’m someone, sir, who for love will do even more than you’ve heard him brag about doing.

Sir Toby Belch

Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.

Sir Toby Belch

Well, if you’re looking for trouble, I’m ready for you.

They draw
They draw
Enter Officers
Enter Officers
Fabian

O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.

Fabian

Oh, good Sir Toby, stop! Here come the officers.

Sir Toby Belch

I’ll be with you anon.

Sir Toby Belch

I’ll be with you in a minute.

Viola

Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.

Viola

Please, sir, put your sword away, if you don’t mind.

Sir Andrew

Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you, I’ll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily and reins well.

Sir Andrew

Sure, I will, sir; and since I promised you, I’ll keep my word: he will handle you easily and keep control well.

First Officer

This is the man; do thy office.

First Officer

This is the man; do your job.

Second Officer

Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.

Second Officer

Antonio, I arrest you at the request of Count Orsino.

Antonio

You do mistake me, sir.

Antonio

You’re mistaken, sir.

First Officer

No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well, Though now you have no sea-cap on your head. Take him away: he knows I know him well.

First Officer

No, sir, not at all; I recognize you well, Even though you don’t have a sea cap on your head right now. Take him away: he knows I know him well.

Antonio

I must obey.

Antonio

I must obey.

To VIOLA
To VIOLA
Antonio

This comes with seeking you: But there’s no remedy; I shall answer it. What will you do, now my necessity Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me Much more for what I cannot do for you Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed; But be of comfort.

Antonio

This is because I’ve been looking for you: But there’s nothing I can do; I’ll accept it. What will you do now that my need Forces me to ask you for my purse? It hurts me Far more for what I can’t do for you Than what happens to me. You’re stunned; But take heart.

Second Officer

Come, sir, away.

Second Officer

Come, sir, let’s go.

Antonio

I must entreat of you some of that money.

Antonio

I must ask you for some of that money.

Viola

What money, sir? For the fair kindness you have show’d me here, And, part, being prompted by your present trouble, Out of my lean and low ability I’ll lend you something: my having is not much; I’ll make division of my present with you: Hold, there’s half my coffer.

Viola

What money, sir? For the kind help you’ve shown me here, And partly because I see you’re in trouble right now, I’ll lend you something out of my limited resources: I don’t have much; I’ll share what I have with you: Here, take half of my purse.

Antonio

Will you deny me now? Is’t possible that my deserts to you Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery, Lest that it make me so unsound a man As to upbraid you with those kindnesses That I have done for you.

Antonio

Will you refuse me now? Is it possible that my service to you Can’t convince you? Don’t push my desperation, Or it might make me do something desperate, Like reproach you for the kindnesses I’ve done for you.

Viola

I know of none; Nor know I you by voice or any feature: I hate ingratitude more in a man Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness, Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption Inhabits our frail blood.

Viola

I don’t know what you mean; Nor do I recognize you by voice or appearance: I hate ingratitude in a man More than lying, vanity, gossip, drunkenness, Or any kind of vice that corrupts us In our fragile nature.

Antonio

O heavens themselves!

Antonio

Oh, heavens above!

Second Officer

Come, sir, I pray you, go.

Second Officer

Come, sir, please, let’s go.

Antonio

Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here I snatch’d one half out of the jaws of death, Relieved him with such sanctity of love, And to his image, which methought did promise Most venerable worth, did I devotion.

Antonio

Let me talk for a moment. This young man you see here I pulled from the very edge of death, I saved him with the purest love, And to his image, which I thought showed Great worth, I gave my devotion.

First Officer

What’s that to us? The time goes by: away!

First Officer

What does that have to do with us? Time is passing: move on!

Antonio

But O how vile an idol proves this god Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame. In nature there’s no blemish but the mind; None can be call’d deform’d but the unkind: Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil Are empty trunks o’erflourish’d by the devil.

Antonio

But oh, how worthless this idol turns out to be, You’ve shamed the good looks of my Sebastian. In nature, there’s no flaw except in the mind; No one can be called ugly except the cruel: Virtue is beauty, but the beautiful evil Are like empty shells decorated by the devil.

First Officer

The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.

First Officer

The man is going mad: take him away! Come on, sir.

Antonio

Lead me on.

Antonio

Lead me on.

Exit with Officers
Exit with Officers
Viola

Methinks his words do from such passion fly, That he believes himself: so do not I. Prove true, imagination, O, prove true, That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you!

Viola

It seems his words come from such deep emotion, That he believes himself: but I don’t believe him. Prove true, imagination, oh, prove true, That I, dear brother, am now mistaken for you!

Sir Toby Belch

Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we’ll whisper o’er a couplet or two of most sage saws.

Sir Toby Belch

Come here, knight; come here, Fabian: we’ll whisper a couple of wise sayings to each other.

Viola

He named Sebastian: I my brother know Yet living in my glass; even such and so In favour was my brother, and he went Still in this fashion, colour, ornament, For him I imitate: O, if it prove, Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

Viola

He mentioned Sebastian: I still remember my brother As he looked in my mirror; just like that, in the same Style, color, and appearance, It’s for him I’m copying this: oh, if this works, Storms are kind and saltwater is refreshing in love.

Exit
Exit
Sir Toby Belch

A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.

Sir Toby Belch

A very dishonest, pathetic boy, and more of a coward than a rabbit: his dishonesty shows in abandoning his friend when he needed him and denying him; and as for his cowardice, ask Fabian.

Fabian

A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.

Fabian

A coward, a most devout coward, pious in it.

Sir Andrew

’Slid, I’ll after him again and beat him.

Sir Andrew

Damn it, I’ll go after him again and beat him.

Sir Toby Belch

Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

Sir Toby Belch

Go ahead; slap him around well, but never draw your sword.

Sir Andrew

An I do not,--

Sir Andrew

If I don’t—

Fabian

Come, let’s see the event.

Fabian

Come on, let’s see what happens.

Sir Toby Belch

I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet.

Sir Toby Belch

I bet any amount of money it will still be nothing.

Exuent
They exit

End of Act 3, Scene 4

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