The Merry Wives of Windsor · Act 3, Scene 2

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Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN
Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN
Mistress Page

Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master’s heels?

Mistress Page

No, go on, little show-off; you used to follow, but now you’re leading. Which would you rather do, lead my eyes, or follow my husband’s steps?

Robin

I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man than follow him like a dwarf.

Robin

I’d rather, truly, go ahead like a man than follow him like a little guy.

Mistress Page

O, you are a flattering boy: now I see you’ll be a courtier.

Mistress Page

Oh, you’re such a smooth talker: I can see you’re going to be a flatterer.

Enter FORD
Enter FORD
Ford

Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?

Ford

Hello, Mistress Page. Where are you off to?

Mistress Page

Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?

Mistress Page

Actually, sir, I’m going to see your wife. Is she home?

Ford

Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.

Ford

Yes, and as bored as she can be without anyone to talk to. I bet if your husbands were dead, you two would marry each other.

Mistress Page

Be sure of that,--two other husbands.

Mistress Page

You can be sure of that—two more husbands.

Ford

Where had you this pretty weather-cock?

Ford

Where did you get this charming little troublemaker?

Mistress Page

I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of. What do you call your knight’s name, sirrah?

Mistress Page

I don’t know what on earth his name is; my husband got him from somewhere. What’s your knight’s name, young man?

Robin

Sir John Falstaff.

Robin

Sir John Falstaff.

Ford

Sir John Falstaff!

Ford

Sir John Falstaff!

Mistress Page

He, he; I can never hit on’s name. There is such a league between my good man and he! Is your wife at home indeed?

Mistress Page

Ha, ha; I can never remember his name. There’s such a bond between my good husband and him! Is your wife really at home?

Ford

Indeed she is.

Ford

Yes, she is.

Mistress Page

By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.

Mistress Page

Excuse me, sir: I feel ill until I see her.

Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN
MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN exit
Ford

Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces out his wife’s inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she’s going to my wife, and Falstaff’s boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And Falstaff’s boy with her! Good plots, they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim.

Ford

Does Page have any sense? Does he have any eyes? Does he ever think? Surely, they’re asleep; he doesn’t use them. Why, this boy will deliver a letter twenty miles, as easily as a cannon can shoot straight twelve hundred yards. He supports his wife’s desires; he gives her foolish behavior and an advantage: and now she’s going to see my wife, and Falstaff’s boy is going with her. A person can hear this storm in the wind. And Falstaff’s boy with her! Good plans, they’re being set; and our rebellious wives are damnable together. Well; I will catch him, then torment my wife, tear off the borrowed disguise of modesty from the seemingly virtuous Mistress Page, expose Page himself as a sure and willing Actaeon; and all my neighbors will applaud these violent actions.

Clock heard
The clock is heard
Ford

The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is there: I will go.

Ford

The clock tells me when to act, and my certainty tells me to search: I’ll find Falstaff there. I’ll be more praised for this than mocked; for it’s as certain as the earth is solid that Falstaff is there: I will go.

Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, SIR HUGH EVANS, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY
Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, SIR HUGH EVANS, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY
& C

Well met, Master Ford.

& C

Hello, Master Ford.

Ford

Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and I pray you all go with me.

Ford

Trust me, a good group: I’ve got a good meal at home; and I invite you all to come with me.

Shallow

I must excuse myself, Master Ford.

Shallow

I must excuse myself, Master Ford.

Slender

And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I’ll speak of.

Slender

And so must I, sir: we’ve planned to have dinner with Mistress Anne, and I wouldn’t break that appointment for more money than I care to mention.

Shallow

We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.

Shallow

We’ve been discussing a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and today we’ll get our answer.

Slender

I hope I have your good will, father Page.

Slender

I hope I have your approval, father Page.

Page

You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you: but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.

Page

You have it, Master Slender; I fully support you: but my wife, Master Doctor, is entirely on your side.

Doctor Caius

Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.

Doctor Caius

Yes, of course; and the girl loves me: my nurse Quickly tells me so much.

Host

What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will carry’t, he will carry’t; ’tis in his buttons; he will carry’t.

Host

What do you think of young Master Fenton? He jumps around, he dances, he has the energy of youth, he writes poetry, he speaks well, he’s fresh as spring: he’ll do it, he’ll do it; it’s in his nature; he’ll do it.

Page

Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild prince and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.

Page

Not with my approval, I assure you. The man has nothing to his name: he hung out with the reckless prince and Poins; he’s from too high a background; he knows too much. No, he won’t tie his future to mine: if he marries her, let him marry her without any help from me; the money I have depends on my approval, and I won’t approve of it that way.

Ford

I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor, you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

Ford

I sincerely ask you, some of you come home with me for dinner: besides food, you’ll have some entertainment; I’ll show you a strange sight. Master doctor, you’re coming; so are you, Master Page; and you too, Sir Hugh.

Shallow

Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing at Master Page’s.

Shallow

Well, goodbye: we’ll have more free courtship at Master Page’s.

Exeunt SHALLOW, and SLENDER
Exeunt SHALLOW, and SLENDER
Doctor Caius

Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.

Doctor Caius

Go home, John Rugby; I’ll be there shortly.

Exit RUGBY
Exit RUGBY
Host

Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him.

Host

Farewell, my friends: I’ll go to my good knight Falstaff, and have some wine with him.

Exit
Exit
Ford

[Aside] I think I shall drink in pipe wine first with him; I’ll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?

Ford

[Aside] I think I’ll drink wine from a pipe first with him; I’ll make him dance. Are you coming, everyone?

All

Have with you to see this monster.

All

Let’s go, to see this strange sight.

Exuent
Exuent

End of Act 3, Scene 2

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