The Merry Wives of Windsor · Act 2, Scene 3

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Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY
Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY
Doctor Caius

Jack Rugby!

Doctor Caius

Jack Rugby!

Rugby

Sir?

Rugby

Yes, sir?

Doctor Caius

Vat is de clock, Jack?

Doctor Caius

What time is it, Jack?

Rugby

’Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.

Rugby

It’s past the time, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.

Doctor Caius

By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.

Doctor Caius

By God, he has saved his soul that he hasn’t come; he must have prayed his Bible well that he hasn’t come. By God, Jack Rugby, he is already dead if he has come.

Rugby

He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him, if he came.

Rugby

He’s wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him if he came.

Doctor Caius

By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

Doctor Caius

By God, the herring isn’t dead the way I would kill him. Take your sword, Jack; I’ll show you how I’ll kill him.

Rugby

Alas, sir, I cannot fence.

Rugby

Alas, sir, I can’t fight with a sword.

Doctor Caius

Villany, take your rapier.

Doctor Caius

Coward, take your sword.

Rugby

Forbear; here’s company.

Rugby

Wait; there’s someone coming.

Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE
Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE
Host

Bless thee, bully doctor!

Host

Bless you, bully doctor!

Shallow

Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

Shallow

Good health to you, Master Doctor Caius!

Page

Now, good master doctor!

Page

Now, good master doctor!

Slender

Give you good morrow, sir.

Slender

Good morning, sir.

Doctor Caius

Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

Doctor Caius

What are you all here for, one, two, three, four?

Host

To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully stale? is he dead?

Host

To watch you fight, to watch you lunge, to watch you move; to watch you here, to watch you there; to watch you perform your thrusts, your parries, your reversals, your distance, your rise. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha, bully! What says my healer? My doctor? My old heart? Ha! Is he dead, you old fool? Is he dead?

Doctor Caius

By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he is not show his face.

Doctor Caius

By God, he is a coward, a weak priest of the world; he won’t even show his face.

Host

Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!

Host

You are a sorry excuse for a man. Hector of Greece, my boy!

Doctor Caius

I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

Doctor Caius

I ask you, bear witness that I’ve waited six or seven, maybe two or three hours for him, and he hasn’t come.

Shallow

He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page?

Shallow

He’s the wiser man, master doctor: he’s a healer of souls, and you’re a healer of bodies; if you fight, you go against the very nature of your profession. Isn’t that true, Master Page?

Page

Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.

Page

Master Shallow, you were once a great fighter, though now you’re a man of peace.

Shallow

Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices and doctors and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

Shallow

By my soul, Master Page, even though I’m old and peaceful now, if I see a sword drawn, my finger itches to use it. Even though we’re justices and doctors and churchmen, Master Page, we still have some fire from our youth left in us; we are still the sons of women, Master Page.

Page

’Tis true, Master Shallow.

Page

That’s true, Master Shallow.

Shallow

It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.

Shallow

It will be found true, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I’ve come to take you home. I’m sworn to peace: you’ve shown yourself a wise doctor, and Sir Hugh has shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must come with me, master doctor.

Host

Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.

Host

Excuse me, guest-justice. A word, Monsieur Mockwater.

Doctor Caius

Mock-vater! vat is dat?

Doctor Caius

Mock-water! What is that?

Host

Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

Host

Mock-water, in our English language, means bravery, bully.

Doctor Caius

By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.

Doctor Caius

By God, then, I have as much bravery as any Englishman. Damn priest! By God, I’ll cut off his ears.

Host

He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

Host

He will slap you hard, bully.

Doctor Caius

Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

Doctor Caius

Slap me? What’s that?

Host

That is, he will make thee amends.

Host

That means, he will apologize to you.

Doctor Caius

By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.

Doctor Caius

By God, I think he will slap me; because, by God, I will make him do it.

Host

And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag.

Host

And I will egg him on, or let him be.

Doctor Caius

Me tank you for dat.

Doctor Caius

Thank you for that.

Host

And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.

Host

And also, bully—first, master guest, and Master Page, and also Cavalier Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.

Aside to them
Aside to them
Page

Sir Hugh is there, is he?

Page

Sir Hugh is there, right?

Host

He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

Host

He’s there: see what mood he’s in; and I will bring the doctor around through the fields. Will that work?

Shallow

We will do it.

Shallow

We’ll do it.

Slender

Adieu, good master doctor.

Slender

Goodbye, good master doctor.

Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER
Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER
Doctor Caius

By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

Doctor Caius

By God, I will kill the priest; because he talks like a fool to Anne Page.

Host

Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?

Host

Let him die: calm down, cool off, stop being angry: come with me through the fields near Frogmore: I’ll take you to where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farmhouse having a feast; and you can try to win her over. Did I get that right? Did I say it well?

Doctor Caius

By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

Doctor Caius

Oh my god, thank you for that: oh my god, I love you; and I will get you the best guests, the earl, the knight, the lords, the gentlemen, my patients.

Host

For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page. Said I well?

Host

And for that, I’ll be your rival in the matter of Anne Page. Did I say that right?

Doctor Caius

By gar, ’tis good; vell said.

Doctor Caius

Oh my god, that’s good; well said.

Host

Let us wag, then.

Host

Let’s go then.

Doctor Caius

Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

Doctor Caius

Follow me, Jack Rugby.

Exuent
Exuent

End of Act 2, Scene 3

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