The Comedy of Errors · Act 4, Scene 4

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Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer
Antipholus Of Ephesus

Fear me not, man; I will not break away: I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money, To warrant thee, as I am ’rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood to-day, And will not lightly trust the messenger That I should be attach’d in Ephesus, I tell you, ’twill sound harshly in her ears.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Don’t worry, man; I’m not going to run away: I’ll give you enough money, before I leave, To make sure you’re covered, since I’m being arrested. My wife is in a strange mood today, And she won’t easily trust the messenger Who says I’m being detained in Ephesus. I’m telling you, she’ll think it sounds suspicious.

Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope’s-end
Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope’s-end
Antipholus Of Ephesus

Here comes my man; I think he brings the money. How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Here comes my man; I think he’s bringing the money. How’s it going, sir? Do you have what I asked for?

Dromio Of Ephesus

Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Here it is, I promise, this will pay them all.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

But where’s the money?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

But where’s the money?

Dromio Of Ephesus

Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Five hundred ducats, idiot, for a rope?

Dromio Of Ephesus

I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

Dromio Of Ephesus

I’ll serve you, sir, for five hundred at that price.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Why did I tell you to go home so quickly?

Dromio Of Ephesus

To a rope’s-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.

Dromio Of Ephesus

To get a rope, sir; and that’s why I’m back.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

And that’s exactly why I’ll give you a warm welcome.

Beating him
Beating him
Officer

Good sir, be patient.

Officer

Please, sir, be patient.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Nay, ’tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

Dromio Of Ephesus

No, it’s for me to be patient; I’m the one in trouble.

Officer

Good, now, hold thy tongue.

Officer

Fine, now, keep quiet.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

Dromio Of Ephesus

No, tell him to stop hitting me.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

Antipholus Of Ephesus

You bastard, foolish idiot!

Dromio Of Ephesus

I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.

Dromio Of Ephesus

I wish I were numb, sir, so I couldn’t feel your punches.

Antipholus

Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.

Antipholus

You’re only aware of pain, like an ass.

Dromio Of Ephesus

I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep; raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

Dromio Of Ephesus

I am an ass, truly; you can prove it by my big ears. I’ve worked for him since the day I was born, and all I’ve gotten in return for my service are beatings. When I’m cold, he warms me with punches; when I’m warm, he cools me I’m punished with beatings; it wakes me up when I sleep; it lifts me up when I sit; it forces me out of the house when I leave; it greets me when I return home; no, I carry it on my shoulders like a beggar carries her child; and I think when it has hurt me enough, I’ll beg with it from house to house.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Come, let’s go; my wife is coming over there.

Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH
Dromio Of Ephesus

Mistress, ’respice finem,’ respect your end; or rather, the prophecy like the parrot, ’beware the rope’s-end.’

Dromio Of Ephesus

Mistress, ’think of the end,’ remember the outcome; or rather, like the parrot in the prophecy, ’watch out for the rope’s end.’

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Wilt thou still talk?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Are you going to keep talking?

Beating him
Beating him
Courtezan

How say you now? is not your husband mad?

Courtezan

What do you think now? Isn’t your husband crazy?

Adriana

His incivility confirms no less. Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand.

Adriana

His rudeness proves that he’s just as bad. Good Doctor Pinch, you’re a magician; Make him see clearly again, and I’ll do whatever you ask of me.

Luciana

Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

Luciana

Oh, how fiery and fierce he looks!

Courtezan

Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!

Courtezan

Look at how he shakes in his madness!

Pinch

Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.

Pinch

Give me your hand so I can feel your pulse.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Here’s my hand, and you can feel my ear.

Striking him
Striking him
Pinch

I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight: I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!

Pinch

I command you, Satan, who lives inside this man, To leave him and listen to my holy prayers and go back to your dark place immediately: I order you by all the saints in heaven!

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Enough, foolish sorcerer, enough! I am not crazy.

Adriana

O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

Adriana

Oh, I wish you weren’t, poor tortured soul!

Antipholus Of Ephesus

You minion, you, are these your customers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house to-day, Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut And I denied to enter in my house?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

You servant, you, are these your customers? Did this man with the yellow face Party and eat at my house today, While my doors were locked against me And I was turned away from entering my own house?

Adriana

O husband, God doth know you dined at home; Where would you had remain’d until this time, Free from these slanders and this open shame!

Adriana

Oh husband, God knows you ate at home; I wish you had stayed there until now, Free from these accusations and this public embarrassment!

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Ate at home! You liar, what are you saying?

Dromio Of Ephesus

Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Sir, honestly, you did not eat at home.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Were not my doors lock’d up and I shut out?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Were my doors not locked and I shut out?

Dromio Of Ephesus

Perdie, your doors were lock’d and you shut out.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Indeed, your doors were locked and you were shut out.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

And did not she herself revile me there?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

And didn’t she herself insult me there?

Dromio Of Ephesus

Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Honestly, she did insult you there.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Didn’t her kitchen maid mock, tease, and scorn me?

Dromio Of Ephesus

Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn’d you.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Certainly, she did; the kitchen maid mocked you.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

And did not I in rage depart from thence?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

And didn’t I leave in anger from there?

Dromio Of Ephesus

In verity you did; my bones bear witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Indeed you did; my body bears witness, That since then, it has felt the force of your anger.

Adriana

Is’t good to soothe him in these contraries?

Adriana

Is it good to calm him in these contradictions?

Pinch

It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein, And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.

Pinch

It’s not shameful: the man finds his way, And giving in to him suits his madness.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Thou hast suborn’d the goldsmith to arrest me.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

You’ve bribed the goldsmith to have me arrested.

Adriana

Alas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

Adriana

Alas, I sent you money to set you free, By Dromio here, who came rushing for it.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Money by me! heart and goodwill you might; But surely master, not a rag of money.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Money from me? I could offer you my heart and goodwill, But I swear, master, I don’t have a single coin.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Didn’t you go to her for a bag of money?

Adriana

He came to me and I deliver’d it.

Adriana

He came to me, and I gave it to him.

Luciana

And I am witness with her that she did.

Luciana

And I can confirm, I saw her give it to him.

Dromio Of Ephesus

God and the rope-maker bear me witness That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

Dromio Of Ephesus

God and the rope-maker can testify That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

Pinch

Mistress, both man and master is possess’d; I know it by their pale and deadly looks: They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

Pinch

Mistress, both man and master are possessed; I can tell by their pale and lifeless faces: They must be tied up and locked in a dark room.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day? And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Tell me, why did you lock me out today? And why are you refusing to give me the bag of gold?

Adriana

I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

Adriana

I didn’t, my dear husband, lock you out.

Dromio Of Ephesus

And, gentle master, I received no gold; But I confess, sir, that we were lock’d out.

Dromio Of Ephesus

And, dear master, I didn’t receive any gold; But I admit, sir, that we were locked out.

Adriana

Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.

Adriana

Lying scoundrel, you’re lying about both things.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all; And art confederate with a damned pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me: But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes That would behold in me this shameful sport.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Lying prostitute, you’re a liar in everything; And you’re working with a wicked crew To make me a disgusting joke and a laughingstock: But with these hands, I’ll tear out these false eyes That would dare witness such a shameful act against me.

Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives
Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He struggles
Adriana

O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.

Adriana

Oh, bind him, bind him! Don’t let him come near me.

Pinch

More company! The fiend is strong within him.

Pinch

More people! The devil is strong in him.

Luciana

Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

Luciana

Oh, poor man, how pale and sick he looks!

Antipholus Of Ephesus

What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou, I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

What, are you going to kill me? You jailer, you, I am your prisoner: will you let them Try to break me free?

Officer

Masters, let him go He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

Officer

Let him go, masters. He’s my prisoner, and you can’t have him.

Pinch

Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.

Pinch

Go tie this man up, he’s out of his mind too.

They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus
They try to tie up Dromio of Ephesus
Adriana

What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

Adriana

What are you going to do, you annoying officer? Do you enjoy seeing a miserable man Hurt and upset himself?

Officer

He is my prisoner: if I let him go, The debt he owes will be required of me.

Officer

He’s my prisoner: if I let him go, I’ll have to pay the debt he owes.

Adriana

I will discharge thee ere I go from thee: Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it. Good master doctor, see him safe convey’d Home to my house. O most unhappy day!

Adriana

I’ll take care of it before I leave you: Take me straight to his creditor, And, knowing how much the debt is, I’ll pay it. Good doctor, make sure he gets safely back To my house. Oh, what a terrible day!

Antipholus Of Ephesus

O most unhappy strumpet!

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Oh, what a miserable woman!

Dromio Of Ephesus

Master, I am here entered in bond for you.

Dromio Of Ephesus

Master, I’m here on bond for you.

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

Antipholus Of Ephesus

Damn you, scoundrel! Why are you making me mad?

Dromio Of Ephesus

Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master: cry ’The devil!’

Dromio Of Ephesus

Will you be bound for nothing? Go ahead, be crazy, good master: shout ‘The devil!’

Luciana

God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

Luciana

God help, poor souls, how they talk so foolishly!

Adriana

Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.

Adriana

Take him away. Sister, come with me.

Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and Courtezan
Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and Courtezan
Adriana

Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

Adriana

Now tell me, whose debt is he being arrested for?

Officer

One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?

Officer

A goldsmith named Angelo: do you know him?

Adriana

I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

Adriana

I know him. How much does he owe?

Officer

Two hundred ducats.

Officer

Two hundred ducats.

Adriana

Say, how grows it due?

Adriana

How did it get to be so much?

Officer

Due for a chain your husband had of him.

Officer

It’s for a chain your husband bought from him.

Adriana

He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

Adriana

He ordered a chain for me, but he never got it.

Courtezan

When as your husband all in rage to-day Came to my house and took away my ring-- The ring I saw upon his finger now-- Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

Courtezan

When your husband, all angry today, Came to my house and took my ring— The same ring I saw on his finger just now— Soon after, I saw him with a chain.

Adriana

It may be so, but I did never see it. Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is: I long to know the truth hereof at large.

Adriana

That may be, but I never saw it. Come, jailer, take me to the goldsmith: I’m eager to know the full truth of this.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse
Luciana

God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.

Luciana

God have mercy! They’re loose again.

Adriana

And come with naked swords. Let’s call more help to have them bound again.

Adriana

And they come with drawn swords. Let’s call for more help to get them tied up again.

Officer

Away! they’ll kill us.

Officer

Get away! They’ll kill us.

Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
Antipholus Of Syracuse

I see these witches are afraid of swords.

Antipholus Of Syracuse

I see these women are scared of swords.

Dromio Of Syracuse

She that would be your wife now ran from you.

Dromio Of Syracuse

The one who wanted to marry you just ran from you.

Antipholus Of Syracuse

Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence: I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

Antipholus Of Syracuse

Let’s go to the Centaur; let’s get our things from there: I wish we were already safe and sound on board.

Dromio Of Syracuse

Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold: methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and turn witch.

Dromio Of Syracuse

Honestly, let’s stay here tonight; they won’t hurt us: You saw how kindly they spoke to us, gave us gold: They seem like such a nice people that, if it weren’t for the mountain of crazy women trying to marry me, I might even want to stay and become one of them.

Antipholus Of Syracuse

I will not stay to-night for all the town; Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

Antipholus Of Syracuse

I won’t stay here tonight, no matter what the town says; So let’s go, and get our things on board.

Exuent
They exit

End of Act 4, Scene 4

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