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There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me As if I were their well-acquainted friend; And every one doth call me by my name. Some tender money to me; some invite me; Some other give me thanks for kindnesses; Some offer me commodities to buy: Even now a tailor call’d me in his shop And show’d me silks that he had bought for me, And therewithal took measure of my body. Sure, these are but imaginary wiles And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
I keep running into people who greet me Like I’m their old friend; And everyone calls me by my name. Some give me money; some invite me; Others thank me for favors; Some offer me things to buy: Just now a tailor called me into his shop And showed me silks he had bought for me, And then started measuring my body. These must be just tricks, And there are witch doctors living here.
Master, here’s the gold you sent me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?
Master, here’s the gold you asked for. What, do you have the picture of old Adam all dressed up?
What gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?
What gold is this? What Adam are you talking about?
Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
Not the Adam who kept Paradise, but the Adam who guards the prison: the one who wore the calf’s skin that was killed for the Prodigal; the one who followed you, sir, like a bad angel, and told you to give up your freedom.
I understand thee not.
I don’t understand you.
No? why, ’tis a plain case: he that went, like a bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.
No? It’s simple: the one who went, like a bass-viol, in a leather case; the man, sir, who, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a nap and lets them rest; he, sir, who feels sorry for poor men and gives them clothes to wear; he who aims to do more feats with his club than a morris-dancer.
What, thou meanest an officer?
What, you mean an officer?
Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, ’God give you good rest!’
Yes, sir, the sergeant of the group, the one who brings anyone who breaks the law to justice; the one who thinks a man is always about to go to sleep, and says, ‘God give you a good night!’
Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any
Well, sir, that’s enough of your nonsense. Is there any
Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.
Why, sir, I told you an hour ago that the ship Expedition set sail tonight; and then you were delayed by the officer, who made you wait for the ship Delay. Here are the women you asked for to give to you.
The fellow is distract, and so am I; And here we wander in illusions: Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
The man is crazy, and so am I; And here we are, lost in confusion: Some divine force save us from here!
Well met, well met, Master Antipholus. I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now: Is that the chain you promised me to-day?
Good to see you, Master Antipholus. I see, sir, you’ve found the goldsmith now: Is that the necklace you promised me today?
Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
Devil, go away! I warn you, don’t tempt me.
Master, is this Mistress Satan?
Master, is this Mistress Devil?
It is the devil.
She is the devil.
Nay, she is worse, she is the devil’s dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof comes that the wenches say ’God damn me;’ that’s as much to say ’God make me a light wench.’ It is written, they appear to men like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
No, she’s worse, she’s the devil’s mother; and here she comes dressed like a loose woman: and that’s why women say ‘God damn me;’ that’s the same as saying ‘God make me a loose woman.’ It is written, they appear to people as angels of light: light is a result of fire, and fire burns; so, loose women will burn. Don’t go near her.
Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir. Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here?
You and your man are both so cheerful, sir. Will you come with me? We can have dinner here?
Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak a long spoon.
Master, if you do, expect spoon-food; or order a long spoon.
Why, Dromio?
Why, Dromio?
Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil.
Well, he must use a long spoon if he’s going to eat with the devil.
Avoid then, fiend! what tell’st thou me of supping? Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress: I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
Then stay away, devil! What are you telling me about eating? You are, like all of you, a witch: I command you to leave me and go away.
Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner, Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised, And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
Give me the ring of mine that you took at dinner, Or, for my diamond, the necklace you promised, And I’ll leave, sir, and not bother you.
Some devils ask but the parings of one’s nail, A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, A nut, a cherry-stone; But she, more covetous, would have a chain. Master, be wise: an if you give it her, The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.
Some devils only want the scraps of one’s nails, A stick, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, A nut, a cherry-pit; But she, greedier, wants a necklace. Master, be smart: if you give it to her, The devil will shake her chain and scare us with it.
I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain: I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
Please, sir, my ring, or else the chain: I hope you’re not planning to trick me like this.
Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.
Go away, you witch! Come on, Dromio, let’s leave.
’Fly pride,’ says the peacock: mistress, that you know.
“Fly pride,” says the peacock: mistress, you know that.
Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad, Else would he never so demean himself. A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, And for the same he promised me a chain: Both one and other he denies me now. The reason that I gather he is mad, Besides this present instance of his rage, Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner, Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way. My way is now to hie home to his house, And tell his wife that, being lunatic, He rush’d into my house and took perforce My ring away. This course I fittest choose; For forty ducats is too much to lose.
Now it’s clear Antipholus is crazy, Otherwise, he wouldn’t act like this. He has a ring of mine worth forty ducats, And for that, he promised me a chain: Now he denies both the ring and the chain. The reason I think he’s mad, Besides this current act of rage, Is a crazy story he told at dinner today, About his own doors being shut in his face. Maybe his wife, knowing about his temper, Shut the doors on purpose to stop him. Now I’ll go to his house, And tell his wife that, because he’s crazy, He rushed into my house and took my ring by force. This is the best course for me to take; Forty ducats is too much to lose.