Troilus and Cressida · Act 5, Scene 2

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Enter DIOMEDES
Enter DIOMEDES
Diomedes

What, are you up here, ho? speak.

Diomedes

What’s going on, are you awake? Speak up.

Calchas

[Within] Who calls?

Calchas

[Within] Who’s calling?

Diomedes

Calchas, I think. Where’s your daughter?

Diomedes

Calchas, I think. Where’s your daughter?

Calchas

[Within] She comes to you.

Calchas

[Offstage] She’s coming to you.

Enter TROILUS and ULYSSES, at a distance; after them, THERSITES
Enter TROILUS and ULYSSES, at a distance; after them, THERSITES
Ulysses

Stand where the torch may not discover us.

Ulysses

Stay where the light can’t spot us.

Enter CRESSIDA
Enter CRESSIDA
Troilus

Cressid comes forth to him.

Troilus

Cressid is coming out to him.

Diomedes

How now, my charge!

Diomedes

What’s up, my charge?

Cressida

Now, my sweet guardian! Hark, a word with you.

Cressida

Hey, my sweet protector! Listen, I need to talk to you.

Whispers
Whispers
Troilus

Yea, so familiar!

Troilus

Yeah, that’s really familiar!

Ulysses

She will sing any man at first sight.

Ulysses

She’ll flirt with any guy the first time she sees him.

Thersites

And any man may sing her, if he can take her cliff; she’s noted.

Thersites

And any guy can flirt with her if he can get her attention; she’s well known for it.

Diomedes

Will you remember?

Diomedes

Will you remember?

Cressida

Remember! yes.

Cressida

Remember? Yes.

Diomedes

Nay, but do, then; And let your mind be coupled with your words.

Diomedes

No, really, remember; And make sure your thoughts match your words.

Troilus

What should she remember?

Troilus

What is it that she needs to remember?

Ulysses

List.

Ulysses

Listen.

Cressida

Sweet honey Greek, tempt me no more to folly.

Cressida

Sweet honey Greek, stop trying to get me to act foolish.

Thersites

Roguery!

Thersites

That’s cheating!

Diomedes

Nay, then,--

Diomedes

Oh, really,--

Cressida

I’ll tell you what,--

Cressida

Let me tell you something,--

Diomedes

Foh, foh! come, tell a pin: you are forsworn.

Diomedes

Ugh, enough! Just say it: you’ve broken your promise.

Cressida

In faith, I cannot: what would you have me do?

Cressida

Honestly, I can’t: what do you want me to do?

Thersites

A juggling trick,--to be secretly open.

Thersites

A trickster’s move,--acting like you’re being honest while being sneaky.

Diomedes

What did you swear you would bestow on me?

Diomedes

What did you promise you’d give me?

Cressida

I prithee, do not hold me to mine oath; Bid me do any thing but that, sweet Greek.

Cressida

Please, don’t hold me to my promise; Ask me to do anything but that, sweet Greek.

Diomedes

Good night.

Diomedes

Good night.

Troilus

Hold, patience!

Troilus

Wait, patience!

Ulysses

How now, Trojan!

Ulysses

What’s going on, Trojan?

Cressida

Diomed,--

Cressida

Diomed,--

Diomedes

No, no, good night: I’ll be your fool no more.

Diomedes

No, no, good night: I won’t be your fool anymore.

Troilus

Thy better must.

Troilus

Your better self should.

Cressida

Hark, one word in your ear.

Cressida

Listen, one word in your ear.

Troilus

O plague and madness!

Troilus

Damnation and madness!

Ulysses

You are moved, prince; let us depart, I pray you, Lest your displeasure should enlarge itself To wrathful terms: this place is dangerous; The time right deadly; I beseech you, go.

Ulysses

You’re upset, prince; let’s leave, please, Before your anger grows worse And turns into something violent: this place is unsafe; The time is dangerous; please, let’s go.

Troilus

Behold, I pray you!

Troilus

Look, please!

Ulysses

Nay, good my lord, go off: You flow to great distraction; come, my lord.

Ulysses

No, please, my lord, leave: You’re getting more and more upset; come, my lord.

Troilus

I pray thee, stay.

Troilus

Please, stay.

Ulysses

You have not patience; come.

Ulysses

You don’t have the patience; come on.

Troilus

I pray you, stay; by hell and all hell’s torments I will not speak a word!

Troilus

Please stay; by hell and all its torments, I swear I won’t say a word!

Diomedes

And so, good night.

Diomedes

Well then, good night.

Cressida

Nay, but you part in anger.

Cressida

No, but you’re leaving angry.

Troilus

Doth that grieve thee? O wither’d truth!

Troilus

Does that upset you? Oh, withered truth!

Ulysses

Why, how now, lord!

Ulysses

What’s wrong now, lord?

Troilus

By Jove, I will be patient.

Troilus

By Jove, I’ll be patient.

Cressida

Guardian!--why, Greek!

Cressida

Guardian!—why, Greek!

Diomedes

Foh, foh! adieu; you palter.

Diomedes

Ugh, ugh! goodbye; you’re being dishonest.

Cressida

In faith, I do not: come hither once again.

Cressida

Honestly, I’m not: come here once more.

Ulysses

You shake, my lord, at something: will you go? You will break out.

Ulysses

You’re trembling, my lord, at something: will you leave? You’re about to lose control.

Troilus

She strokes his cheek!

Troilus

She touches his face!

Ulysses

Come, come.

Ulysses

Come on, come on.

Troilus

Nay, stay; by Jove, I will not speak a word: There is between my will and all offences A guard of patience: stay a little while.

Troilus

No, wait; by God, I won’t say a word: There’s a wall of patience between my will and all wrongs Stay for a moment.

Thersites

How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry!

Thersites

Damn it, how Luxury, with his fat ass and stubby fingers, brings these two together! Burn, lust, burn!

Diomedes

But will you, then?

Diomedes

But will you, then?

Cressida

In faith, I will, la; never trust me else.

Cressida

Honestly, I will, trust me; don’t believe me if I don’t.

Diomedes

Give me some token for the surety of it.

Diomedes

Give me some proof to be sure.

Cressida

I’ll fetch you one.

Cressida

I’ll get you something.

Exit
Exit
Ulysses

You have sworn patience.

Ulysses

You’ve sworn to be patient.

Troilus

Fear me not, sweet lord; I will not be myself, nor have cognition Of what I feel: I am all patience.

Troilus

Don’t worry about me, my lord; I won’t be myself, or even recognize What I’m feeling: I am all patience.

Re-enter CRESSIDA
Re-enter CRESSIDA
Thersites

Now the pledge; now, now, now!

Thersites

Now the token; now, now, now!

Cressida

Here, Diomed, keep this sleeve.

Cressida

Here, Diomed, take this sleeve.

Troilus

O beauty! where is thy faith?

Troilus

Oh beauty! where is your loyalty?

Ulysses

My lord,--

Ulysses

My lord,--

Troilus

I will be patient; outwardly I will.

Troilus

I’ll be patient; on the outside, I will.

Cressida

You look upon that sleeve; behold it well. He loved me--O false wench!--Give’t me again.

Cressida

You’re looking at that sleeve; look at it carefully. He loved me--Oh, you deceitful woman!--Give it back to me.

Diomedes

Whose was’t?

Diomedes

Whose was it?

Cressida

It is no matter, now I have’t again. I will not meet with you to-morrow night: I prithee, Diomed, visit me no more.

Cressida

It doesn’t matter, now I have it back. I won’t meet you tomorrow night: Please, Diomed, don’t visit me again.

Thersites

Now she sharpens: well said, whetstone!

Thersites

Now she’s getting tough: well said, sharpening stone!

Diomedes

I shall have it.

Diomedes

I’ll take it.

Cressida

What, this?

Cressida

What, this?

Diomedes

Ay, that.

Diomedes

Yes, that.

Cressida

O, all you gods! O pretty, pretty pledge! Thy master now lies thinking in his bed Of thee and me, and sighs, and takes my glove, And gives memorial dainty kisses to it, As I kiss thee. Nay, do not snatch it from me; He that takes that doth take my heart withal.

Cressida

Oh, all you gods! Oh, what a lovely, lovely token! Your master is now lying in his bed Thinking about you and me, sighing, and taking my glove, And giving it soft, sweet kisses, As I kiss you. No, don’t snatch it from me; Whoever takes that also takes my heart.

Diomedes

I had your heart before, this follows it.

Diomedes

I already had your heart, this just follows it.

Troilus

I did swear patience.

Troilus

I swore to be patient.

Cressida

You shall not have it, Diomed; faith, you shall not; I’ll give you something else.

Cressida

You won’t get it, Diomed; I swear, you won’t; I’ll give you something else.

Diomedes

I will have this: whose was it?

Diomedes

I’ll take this: whose was it?

Cressida

It is no matter.

Cressida

It doesn’t matter.

Diomedes

Come, tell me whose it was.

Diomedes

Come on, tell me whose it was.

Cressida

’Twas one’s that loved me better than you will. But, now you have it, take it.

Cressida

It was someone who loved me more than you ever will. But now you have it, take it.

Diomedes

Whose was it?

Diomedes

Whose is this?

Cressida

By all Diana’s waiting-women yond, And by herself, I will not tell you whose.

Cressida

By all of Diana’s maidens over there, And by herself, I won’t tell you whose it is.

Diomedes

To-morrow will I wear it on my helm, And grieve his spirit that dares not challenge it.

Diomedes

Tomorrow, I’ll wear it on my helmet, And I’ll make him regret he didn’t challenge me for it.

Troilus

Wert thou the devil, and worest it on thy horn, It should be challenged.

Troilus

If you were the devil and wore it on your horn, I would still challenge you for it.

Cressida

Well, well, ’tis done, ’tis past: and yet it is not; I will not keep my word.

Cressida

Well, well, it’s done, it’s over: but then again, it’s not; I won’t keep my promise.

Diomedes

Why, then, farewell; Thou never shalt mock Diomed again.

Diomedes

Well, goodbye then; You’ll never mock me again.

Cressida

You shall not go: one cannot speak a word, But it straight starts you.

Cressida

You’re not leaving: you can’t say anything, Without it making you react immediately.

Diomedes

I do not like this fooling.

Diomedes

I don’t like this teasing.

Thersites

Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not you pleases me best.

Thersites

Neither do I, by Pluto: but what doesn’t please you, pleases me more.

Diomedes

What, shall I come? the hour?

Diomedes

What, should I come? What time?

Cressida

Ay, come:--O Jove!--do come:--I shall be plagued.

Cressida

Yes, come:—Oh, Jove!—do come:—I’ll be in trouble.

Diomedes

Farewell till then.

Diomedes

Goodbye, until then.

Cressida

Good night: I prithee, come.

Cressida

Good night: please, do come.

Exit DIOMEDES
Exit DIOMEDES
Cressida

Troilus, farewell! one eye yet looks on thee But with my heart the other eye doth see. Ah, poor our sex! this fault in us I find, The error of our eye directs our mind: What error leads must err; O, then conclude Minds sway’d by eyes are full of turpitude.

Cressida

Troilus, goodbye! one eye still looks at you, But with my heart, the other eye sees you. Ah, poor women! this is the flaw we have, The fault in our eyes leads our thoughts: What our eyes mistake, our minds follow; oh, then conclude That minds swayed by looks are full of disgrace.

Exit
Exit
Thersites

A proof of strength she could not publish more, Unless she said ’ My mind is now turn’d whore.’

Thersites

She couldn’t prove her strength more clearly, Unless she said, "Now I’ve turned into a whore."

Ulysses

All’s done, my lord.

Ulysses

It’s all over, my lord.

Troilus

It is.

Troilus

It is.

Ulysses

Why stay we, then?

Ulysses

So why are we still here, then?

Troilus

To make a recordation to my soul Of every syllable that here was spoke. But if I tell how these two did co-act, Shall I not lie in publishing a truth? Sith yet there is a credence in my heart, An esperance so obstinately strong, That doth invert the attest of eyes and ears, As if those organs had deceptious functions, Created only to calumniate. Was Cressid here?

Troilus

To keep a record in my heart Of every word that was spoken here. But if I tell how these two worked together, Wouldn’t I be lying by telling the truth? Since there’s still belief in my heart, A hope so stubbornly strong, That it turns what my eyes and ears tell me upside down, As if those senses were meant to deceive, Made only to slander. Was Cressida here?

Ulysses

I cannot conjure, Trojan.

Ulysses

I can’t say for sure, Trojan.

Troilus

She was not, sure.

Troilus

She wasn’t, surely.

Ulysses

Most sure she was.

Ulysses

I’m sure she was.

Troilus

Why, my negation hath no taste of madness.

Troilus

My denial doesn’t seem crazy.

Ulysses

Nor mine, my lord: Cressid was here but now.

Ulysses

Nor mine, my lord: Cressida was just here.

Troilus

Let it not be believed for womanhood! Think, we had mothers; do not give advantage To stubborn critics, apt, without a theme, For depravation, to square the general sex By Cressid’s rule: rather think this not Cressid.

Troilus

Don’t judge her for being a woman! Remember, we had mothers; don’t let stubborn critics Use Cressida to stereotype all women. Think, instead, that this wasn’t Cressida.

Ulysses

What hath she done, prince, that can soil our mothers?

Ulysses

What has she done, prince, that could shame our mothers?

Troilus

Nothing at all, unless that this were she.

Troilus

Nothing at all, unless this really was her.

Thersites

Will he swagger himself out on’s own eyes?

Thersites

Is he going to act like he can’t see for himself?

Troilus

This she? no, this is Diomed’s Cressida: If beauty have a soul, this is not she; If souls guide vows, if vows be sanctimonies, If sanctimony be the gods’ delight, If there be rule in unity itself, This is not she. O madness of discourse, That cause sets up with and against itself! Bi-fold authority! where reason can revolt Without perdition, and loss assume all reason Without revolt: this is, and is not, Cressid. Within my soul there doth conduce a fight Of this strange nature that a thing inseparate Divides more wider than the sky and earth, And yet the spacious breadth of this division Admits no orifex for a point as subtle As Ariachne’s broken woof to enter. Instance, O instance! strong as Pluto’s gates; Cressid is mine, tied with the bonds of heaven: Instance, O instance! strong as heaven itself; The bonds of heaven are slipp’d, dissolved, and loosed; And with another knot, five-finger-tied, The fractions of her faith, orts of her love, The fragments, scraps, the bits and greasy relics Of her o’er-eaten faith, are bound to Diomed.

Troilus

This woman? No, this is Diomed’s Cressida: If beauty has a soul, this is not her; If souls guide promises, if promises are sacred, If sanctity is what the gods delight in, If unity itself is a rule, This is not her. Oh, the madness of this argument, This situation creates a conflict within itself! Two-faced authority! where reason can rebel Without consequence, and at the same time, take on all reason Without rebellion: this is, and is not, Cressid. Inside my soul, there is a battle Of this strange kind, that something inseparable Divides more than the sky and earth, And yet, the vastness of this divide Has no opening small enough for a thread as fine As Arachne’s broken web to pass through. Example, oh example! as strong as Pluto’s gates; Cressid is mine, bound by heaven’s own bonds: Example, oh example! as strong as heaven itself; The bonds of heaven have slipped, dissolved, and broken; And with another knot, tied with my fingers, The pieces of her faith, scraps of her love, The fragments, the bits, and the dirty remnants Of her overused faith, are tied to Diomed.

Ulysses

May worthy Troilus be half attach’d With that which here his passion doth express?

Ulysses

Can worthy Troilus be half-affected By what his passion expresses here?

Troilus

Ay, Greek; and that shall be divulged well In characters as red as Mars his heart Inflamed with Venus: never did young man fancy With so eternal and so fix’d a soul. Hark, Greek: as much as I do Cressid love, So much by weight hate I her Diomed: That sleeve is mine that he’ll bear on his helm; Were it a casque composed by Vulcan’s skill, My sword should bite it: not the dreadful spout Which shipmen do the hurricano call, Constringed in mass by the almighty sun, Shall dizzy with more clamour Neptune’s ear In his descent than shall my prompted sword Falling on Diomed.

Troilus

Yes, Greek; and that shall be revealed clearly In letters as red as Mars’ heart, Fired up by Venus: never did a young man feel With such eternal and fixed determination. Listen, Greek: as much as I love Cressid, I hate Diomed with equal intensity: That sleeve is mine that he’ll wear on his helmet; If it were a helmet made by Vulcan’s skill, My sword would cut through it: not even the terrible storm Which sailors call the hurricane, Constrained by the mighty sun, Will make Neptune’s ear ring louder When it falls than my sword will When it strikes Diomed.

Thersites

He’ll tickle it for his concupy.

Thersites

He’ll tease him for his lust.

Troilus

O Cressid! O false Cressid! false, false, false! Let all untruths stand by thy stained name, And they’ll seem glorious.

Troilus

Oh Cressid! Oh false Cressid! false, false, false! Let all lies stand next to your ruined name, And they’ll appear glorious.

Ulysses

O, contain yourself Your passion draws ears hither.

Ulysses

Oh, calm yourself Your anger is drawing attention.

Enter AENEAS
Enter AENEAS
Aeneas

I have been seeking you this hour, my lord: Hector, by this, is arming him in Troy; Ajax, your guard, stays to conduct you home.

Aeneas

I’ve been looking for you this hour, my lord: Hector, by now, is putting on his armor in Troy; Ajax, your guard, is waiting to take you home.

Troilus

Have with you, prince. My courteous lord, adieu. Farewell, revolted fair! and, Diomed, Stand fast, and wear a castle on thy head!

Troilus

Let’s go, prince. My respectful lord, goodbye. Farewell, you betrayed beauty! and, Diomed, Stand firm, and wear a fortress on your head!

Ulysses

I’ll bring you to the gates.

Ulysses

I’ll take you to the gates.

Troilus

Accept distracted thanks.

Troilus

Accept my confused thanks.

Exeunt TROILUS, AENEAS, and ULYSSES
Exeunt TROILUS, AENEAS, and ULYSSES
Thersites

Would I could meet that rogue Diomed! I would croak like a raven; I would bode, I would bode. Patroclus will give me any thing for the intelligence of this whore: the parrot will not do more for an almond than he for a commodious drab. Lechery, lechery; still, wars and lechery; nothing else holds fashion: a burning devil take them!

Thersites

I wish I could meet that trickster Diomed! I would croak like a raven; I would predict, I would predict. Patroclus would give me anything for the information about this prostitute: the parrot won’t do more for a nut than he would for a useful slut. Lust, lust; always, wars and lust; nothing else is fashionable: a burning devil take them!

Exit
Exit

End of Act 5, Scene 2

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