Original
Modern English
Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!
Launce! by my honor, welcome to Milan!
Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess say ’Welcome!’
Don’t lie to yourself, young man, I’m not welcome. I always think this: a man is never ruined until he’s hanged, and never truly welcome to a place until he pays a certain fee and the hostess says "Welcome!"
Come on, you madcap, I’ll to the alehouse with you presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how did thy master part with Madam Julia?
Come on, you fool, I’ll go to the tavern with you right now; where, for a five-pence drink, you’ll get five thousand welcomes. But, tell me, how did your master part with Madam Julia?
Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very fairly in jest.
Well, after they were serious, they parted very nicely, but it was all a joke.
But shall she marry him?
But will she marry him?
No.
No.
How then? shall he marry her?
How about him? Will he marry her?
No, neither.
No, not that either.
What, are they broken?
What, are they broken up?
No, they are both as whole as a fish.
No, they’re both as fine as ever.
Why, then, how stands the matter with them?
Then what’s the situation with them?
Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it stands well with her.
Well, it’s like this: when things are good for him, they’re good for her.
What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.
What an idiot you are! I don’t understand you.
What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My staff understands me.
What a fool you are, that you can’t understand! My stick understands me.
What thou sayest?
What are you saying?
Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I’ll but lean, and my staff understands me.
Yes, and what I do too: look, I’ll just lean, and my stick understands me.
It stands under thee, indeed.
It’s supporting you, indeed.
Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.
Well, “stand-under” and “understand” are the same thing.
But tell me true, will’t be a match?
But tell me honestly, will it be a match?
Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will! if he say no, it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.
Ask my dog: if he says yes, it will! If he says no, it will; if he just wags his tail and says nothing, it will.
The conclusion is then that it will.
So the conclusion is that it will.
Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.
You’ll never get such a secret from me except through a story.
’Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest thou, that my master is become a notable lover?
It’s good that I get it this way. But, Launce, what do you say, that my master has become a famous lover?
I never knew him otherwise.
I never knew him any other way.
Than how?
How so?
A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.
A famous lazy fool, just as you say he is.
Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakest me.
Why, you scoundrel, you’re misunderstanding me.
Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master.
Why, fool, I wasn’t talking about you; I was talking about your master.
I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.
I’m telling you, my master has become a very passionate lover.
Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse; if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a Christian.
Well, I’m telling you, I don’t care if he burns himself with love. If you want, come with me to the tavern; if not, you’re a Hebrew, a Jew, and not worthy of being called a Christian.
Why?
Why?
Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?
Because you don’t have enough kindness in you to go to the tavern with a Christian. Will you come?
At thy service.
At your service.