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Is our whole dissembly appeared?
Has everyone who’s supposed to be here shown up?
O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Oh, someone get a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Which be the malefactors?
Who are the criminals?
Marry, that am I and my partner.
Well, that would be me and my partner.
Nay, that’s certain; we have the exhibition to examine.
Yes, that’s true; we have the report to investigate.
But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them come before master constable.
But which are the criminals to be investigated? Let them come before the head constable.
Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?
Yes, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?
Borachio.
Borachio.
Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
Please, write down, Borachio. Yours, sir?
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
I’m a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?
Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Gentlemen, do you serve God?
Yea, sir, we hope.
Yes, sir, we hope so.
Write down, that they hope they serve God: and write God first; for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves; and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?
Write down, that they hope they serve God: and write God first; because God forbid that God should go before such villains! Gentlemen, it’s already clear that you’re no better than liars; and it won’t be long before everyone thinks the same. How do you answer for yourselves?
Marry, sir, we say we are none.
Well, sir, we say we’re not.
A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
A very clever fellow, I assure you: but I will deal with him. Come here, boy; a word in your ear: sir, I’m telling you, it’s thought you’re lying criminals.
Sir, I say to you we are none.
Sir, I’m telling you we’re not.
Well, stand aside. ’Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Fine, stand aside. By God, they’re both in a story. Have you written down that they are not?
Master constable, you go not the way to examine: you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
Officer, you’re not doing this right: you need to call forward the watchmen who are the ones accusing them.
Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince’s name, accuse these men.
Yes, that’s the quickest way. Let the watchmen come forward. Gentlemen, I order you, in the prince’s name, to accuse these men.
This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince’s brother, was a villain.
This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince’s brother, was a villain.
Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain.
Write down that Prince John is a villain. What, this is clearly lying under oath, to call a prince’s brother a villain.
Master constable,--
Officer, --
Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee.
Please, man, be quiet: I don’t like the look of you, I swear.
What heard you him say else?
What else did you hear him say?
Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
Well, he said that he had received a thousand ducats from Don John for falsely accusing Lady Hero.
Flat burglary as ever was committed.
That’s outright theft, the worst kind of crime.
Yea, by mass, that it is.
Yes, indeed, that’s true.
What else, fellow?
What else, man?
And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.
And that Count Claudio planned, by what he said, to disgrace Hero in front of everyone, and not marry her.
O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.
Oh villain! you’ll be condemned to eternal punishment for this.
What else?
What else?
This is all.
That’s everything.
And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. Master constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato’s: I will go before and show him their examination.
And this is more than you can deny, gentlemen. Prince John has secretly fled this morning; Hero was accused like this, rejected like this, and died suddenly from the shock of it. Officer, have these men arrested and taken to Leonato’s house: I’ll go ahead and tell him what they’ve confessed.
Come, let them be opinioned.
Come on, let them be judged.
Let them be in the hands--
Let them be in the hands--
Off, coxcomb!
Get lost, fool!
God’s my life, where’s the sexton? let him write down the prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet!
My God, where’s the clerk? Let him write down that the prince’s officer is a fool. Come, tie them up. You scoundrel!
Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
Get lost! You’re an idiot, you’re an idiot.
Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass!
Don’t you know my rank? Don’t you know my age? Oh, if only he were here to write me down as an idiot! But, gentlemen, remember that I am an idiot; even if it’s not written down, don’t forget that I am an idiot. No, you villain, you’re full of holiness, as will be proven by good testimony. I am a wise man, and, what’s more, an officer, and, what’s more, a homeowner, and, what’s more, a fine-looking man, just as good as anyone in Messina, and one who knows the law, yes; and a wealthy man enough, yes; and a man who’s had losses, and one who has two coats and everything neat about him. Take him away. Oh, if only I had been written down as an idiot!