Much Ado About Nothing · Act 3, Scene 2

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Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO
Don Pedro

I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon.

Don Pedro

I’m just waiting until your marriage is finished, then I’ll head to Arragon.

Claudio

I’ll bring you thither, my lord, if you’ll vouchsafe me.

Claudio

I’ll take you there, my lord, if you’ll allow me.

Don Pedro

Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid’s bow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot at him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.

Don Pedro

No, that would spoil the shine of your new marriage, like showing a child his new coat and telling him not to wear it. I’ll only be bold with Benedick for his company; because, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, he’s all about fun: he’s cut Cupid’s bowstring two or three times and the little executioner won’t dare shoot at him; he’s got a heart as strong as a bell and his tongue is the bell, for whatever his heart thinks, his tongue says.

Benedick

Gallants, I am not as I have been.

Benedick

Gentlemen, I’m not who I used to be.

Leonato

So say I methinks you are sadder.

Leonato

I agree, you seem sadder.

Claudio

I hope he be in love.

Claudio

I hope he’s in love.

Don Pedro

Hang him, truant! there’s no true drop of blood in him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad, he wants money.

Don Pedro

Forget him, lazybones! There’s no real emotion in him if he’s not really in love: if he’s sad, he probably just needs money.

Benedick

I have the toothache.

Benedick

I have a toothache.

Don Pedro

Draw it.

Don Pedro

Get it pulled out.

Benedick

Hang it!

Benedick

Forget it!

Claudio

You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.

Claudio

You have to hang it first, and draw it afterwards.

Don Pedro

What! sigh for the toothache?

Don Pedro

What! Sighing because of a toothache?

Leonato

Where is but a humour or a worm.

Leonato

It’s just a little pain or a small problem.

Benedick

Well, every one can master a grief but he that has it.

Benedick

Well, anyone can deal with grief, except the person who actually has it.

Claudio

Yet say I, he is in love.

Claudio

But still, I say, he’s in love.

Don Pedro

There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in the shape of two countries at once, as, a German from the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.

Don Pedro

There’s no sign of love in him, unless it’s some kind of obsession with disguises; like being a Dutchman today, a Frenchman tomorrow, or wearing the clothes of two nationalities at once—like a German from the waist down, all baggy pants, and a Spaniard from the waist up, with no doublet. Unless he has a thing for this kind of silliness, as it seems he does, he’s not the fool for love that you think he is.

Claudio

If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing old signs: a’ brushes his hat o’ mornings; what should that bode?

Claudio

If he’s not in love with some woman, then I don’t believe in old signs: he brushes his hat in the morning; what does that mean?

Don Pedro

Hath any man seen him at the barber’s?

Don Pedro

Has anyone seen him at the barber’s?

Claudio

No, but the barber’s man hath been seen with him, and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis-balls.

Claudio

No, but the barber’s assistant has been seen with him, and the old mark on his cheek has already turned into tennis balls.

Leonato

Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.

Leonato

Indeed, he looks younger than he did, now that he’s lost his beard.

Don Pedro

Nay, a’ rubs himself with civet: can you smell him out by that?

Don Pedro

No, he rubs himself with a sweet-smelling oil: can you tell he’s in love by that?

Claudio

That’s as much as to say, the sweet youth’s in love.

Claudio

That’s as good as saying the sweet youth’s in love.

Don Pedro

The greatest note of it is his melancholy.

Don Pedro

The biggest sign is his melancholy.

Claudio

And when was he wont to wash his face?

Claudio

And when did he ever used to wash his face?

Don Pedro

Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear what they say of him.

Don Pedro

Yeah, or put on makeup? I hear what people are saying about him.

Claudio

Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into a lute-string and now governed by stops.

Claudio

No, it’s his joking spirit; which has now shrunk to a lute string and is now controlled by the finger stops.

Don Pedro

Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude, conclude he is in love.

Don Pedro

Yes, that makes it clear he’s in love: let’s just say it, let’s just say he’s in love.

Claudio

Nay, but I know who loves him.

Claudio

No, but I know who loves him.

Don Pedro

That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.

Don Pedro

I’d like to know that too: I bet it’s someone who doesn’t know him.

Claudio

Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of all, dies for him.

Claudio

Yes, and all his bad traits; and, despite everything, she still loves him.

Don Pedro

She shall be buried with her face upwards.

Don Pedro

She’ll be buried face up.

Benedick

Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear.

Benedick

But this doesn’t help with a toothache. Old man, come with me: I’ve got a few wise things to say to you, but these fools can’t hear them.

Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO
Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO
Don Pedro

For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.

Don Pedro

For my life, to talk to him about Beatrice.

Claudio

’Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet.

Claudio

It’s true. Hero and Margaret have already done their part with Beatrice; and then the two of them won’t fight when they meet.

Enter DON JOHN
Enter DON JOHN
Don John

My lord and brother, God save you!

Don John

My lord and brother, God bless you!

Don Pedro

Good den, brother.

Don Pedro

Good evening, brother.

Don John

If your leisure served, I would speak with you.

Don John

If you have time, I’d like to speak with you.

Don Pedro

In private?

Don Pedro

In private?

Don John

If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for what I would speak of concerns him.

Don John

If it’s convenient: but Count Claudio can hear it, because it concerns him.

Don Pedro

What’s the matter?

Don Pedro

What’s going on?

Don John

[To CLAUDIO] Means your lordship to be married to-morrow?

Don John

[To CLAUDIO] Are you planning to get married tomorrow?

Don Pedro

You know he does.

Don Pedro

You know he is.

Don John

I know not that, when he knows what I know.

Don John

I don’t know that, not unless he knows what I know.

Claudio

If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.

Claudio

If there’s any problem, please tell me about it.

Don John

You may think I love you not: let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and labour ill bestowed.

Don John

You might think I don’t like you, but you’ll see later and judge me by what I’ll reveal now. As for my brother, I think he thinks highly of you and has sincerely helped you get this marriage arranged;--a goal poorly achieved, and effort poorly spent.

Don Pedro

Why, what’s the matter?

Don Pedro

Why, what’s going on?

Don John

I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances shortened, for she has been too long a talking of, the lady is disloyal.

Don John

I came here to tell you; to keep it brief, because she’s been talked about too much, the lady is unfaithful.

Claudio

Who, Hero?

Claudio

Hero?

Don Pedro

Even she; Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s Hero:

Don Pedro

Yes, her; Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s Hero:

Claudio

Disloyal?

Claudio

Unfaithful?

Don John

The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I could say she were worse: think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall see her chamber-window entered, even the night before her wedding-day: if you love her then, to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour to change your mind.

Don John

"Unfaithful" isn’t even strong enough to describe her wickedness; I could say worse things about her: think of a worse term, and I’ll make it fit her. Don’t be shocked until you see more: just come with me tonight, and you’ll see her bedroom window open, just the night before her wedding day. If you still love her then, you can marry her tomorrow; but it would be better for your honor if you change your mind.

Claudio

May this be so?

Claudio

Could this be true?

Don Pedro

I will not think it.

Don Pedro

I refuse to believe it.

Don John

If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know: if you will follow me, I will show you enough; and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed accordingly.

Don John

If you can’t trust what you see, don’t admit you know anything. If you follow me, I’ll show you enough; and once you’ve seen and heard more, you can decide what to do.

Claudio

If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should wed, there will I shame her.

Claudio

If I see anything tonight that makes me think I shouldn’t marry her tomorrow in the church, where I’m supposed to wed, I’ll disgrace her.

Don Pedro

And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her.

Don Pedro

And just as I helped you win her, I’ll help you disgrace her.

Don John

I will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself.

Don John

I won’t ruin her reputation any more until you’re my witnesses: just keep calm until midnight, and let the results speak for themselves.

Don Pedro

O day untowardly turned!

Don Pedro

Oh, what a terrible turn of events!

Claudio

O mischief strangely thwarting!

Claudio

Oh, what mischief, so oddly stopped!

Don John

O plague right well prevented! so will you say when you have seen the sequel.

Don John

Oh, what a disaster, cleverly avoided! You’ll say that when you see how it all turns out.

Exuent
Exuent

End of Act 3, Scene 2

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