Much Ado About Nothing · Act 1, Scene 3

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Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE
Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE
Conrade

What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus out of measure sad?

Conrade

What in the world, my lord! Why are you so sad all of a sudden?

Don John

There is no measure in the occasion that breeds; therefore the sadness is without limit.

Don John

There’s no limit to the occasion that’s causing this; that’s why my sadness has no end.

Conrade

You should hear reason.

Conrade

You should listen to reason.

Don John

And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?

Don John

And when I’ve listened, what good will it do me?

Conrade

If not a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance.

Conrade

If not a quick fix, at least some patience in dealing with it.

Don John

I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art, born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile at no man’s jests, eat when I have stomach and wait for no man’s leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and tend on no man’s business, laugh when I am merry and claw no man in his humour.

Don John

I don’t understand how you, being, as you say, born under Saturn, try to use a moral cure for a harmful problem. I can’t pretend to be something I’m not: I have to be sad when I have reason, and I don’t smile at anyone’s jokes, eat when I’m hungry, or wait for anyone’s convenience, sleep when I’m tired, and don’t tend to anyone’s business, laugh when I’m happy, and never flatter anyone based on their mood.

Conrade

Yea, but you must not make the full show of this till you may do it without controlment. You have of late stood out against your brother, and he hath ta’en you newly into his grace; where it is impossible you should take true root but by the fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful that you frame the season for your own harvest.

Conrade

Yes, but you shouldn’t show all that until you can do it without restriction. Recently, you’ve been opposing your brother, and now he’s welcomed you back into his favor; but it’s impossible for you to truly settle down unless you create good circumstances for yourself: you need to set the right conditions for your own success.

Don John

I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace, and it better fits my blood to be disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and seek not to alter me.

Don John

I’d rather be a disease in a bush than a beautiful rose in his favor, and it suits my nature better to be rejected by everyone than to pretend to be something I’m not just to steal love from others: in this, though I can’t be called a flattering honest man, I can’t deny that I’m an honest villain. I’m kept on a leash and held back by a chain; that’s why I’ve decided not to sing in my cage. If I could speak freely, I’d bite; if I had my freedom, I’d do as I pleased: in the meantime, let me be who I am and don’t try to change me.

Conrade

Can you make no use of your discontent?

Conrade

Can you get any use out of your discontent?

Don John

I make all use of it, for I use it only. Who comes here?

Don John

I use it fully, since it’s all I have. Who’s coming here?

Enter BORACHIO
Enter BORACHIO
Don John

What news, Borachio?

Don John

What’s the news, Borachio?

Borachio

I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and I can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.

Borachio

I just came from a big dinner: your brother, the prince, is being royally entertained by Leonato, and I can tell you about an upcoming marriage.

Don John

Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? What is he for a fool that betroths himself to unquietness?

Don John

Will this work as a good base for some trouble? What kind of fool would marry into chaos?

Borachio

Marry, it is your brother’s right hand.

Borachio

Well, it’s your brother’s right-hand man.

Don John

Who? the most exquisite Claudio?

Don John

Who? The very best Claudio?

Borachio

Even he.

Borachio

Yes, him.

Don John

A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks he?

Don John

A fine young man! And who else, and who else? Which way does he look?

Borachio

Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.

Borachio

Well, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.

Don John

A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?

Don John

A very forward young woman! How did this happen?

Borachio

Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind the arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the prince should woo Hero for himself, and having obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.

Borachio

I was hired as a perfumer, and while I was smoking a musty room, the prince and Claudio came in, walking hand in hand, talking seriously: I hid behind the curtain; and there I overheard them agree that the prince should court Hero for himself, and once he won her, he would give her to Count Claudio.

Don John

Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food to my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?

Don John

Come, come, let’s go: this could be useful for my plans. That young upstart has all the glory of ruining me: if I can stop him in any way, I’ll consider myself lucky. You’re both sure, and will help me, right?

Conrade

To the death, my lord.

Conrade

To the death, my lord.

Don John

Let us to the great supper: their cheer is the greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were of my mind! Shall we go prove what’s to be done?

Don John

Let’s go to the big supper: their enjoyment is greater because I’m being beaten. I wish the cook thought the same! Shall we go see what’s to be done?

Borachio

We’ll wait upon your lordship.

Borachio

We’ll follow your lead, my lord.

Exuent
Exeunt

End of Act 1, Scene 3

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