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We must not make a scarecrow of the law, Setting it up to fear the birds of prey, And let it keep one shape, till custom make it Their perch and not their terror.
We must not make the law a joke, Putting it up just to scare criminals, And let it stay the same until people get used to it As just something they sit on, not something that scares them.
Ay, but yet Let us be keen, and rather cut a little, Than fall, and bruise to death. Alas, this gentleman Whom I would save, had a most noble father! Let but your honour know, Whom I believe to be most strait in virtue, That, in the working of your own affections, Had time cohered with place or place with wishing, Or that the resolute acting of your blood Could have attain’d the effect of your own purpose, Whether you had not sometime in your life Err’d in this point which now you censure him, And pull’d the law upon you.
Yes, but still, Let’s be sharp, and maybe cut a little, Rather than fall and hurt ourselves badly. Poor man, This man I want to save had a very noble father! If only your honor knew, I believe you are very strict in virtue, That, if your feelings matched the situation, Or if the force of your emotions Could have achieved what you really wanted, You might have made the same mistake this man did, And brought the law down on yourself.
’Tis one thing to be tempted, Escalus, Another thing to fall. I not deny, The jury, passing on the prisoner’s life, May in the sworn twelve have a thief or two Guiltier than him they try. What’s open made to justice, That justice seizes: what know the laws That thieves do pass on thieves? ’Tis very pregnant, The jewel that we find, we stoop and take’t Because we see it; but what we do not see We tread upon, and never think of it. You may not so extenuate his offence For I have had such faults; but rather tell me, When I, that censure him, do so offend, Let mine own judgment pattern out my death, And nothing come in partial. Sir, he must die.
It’s one thing to be tempted, Escalus, Another to actually give in. I won’t deny, That when a jury decides someone’s life, There could be a thief or two among the twelve Who are guiltier than the one they’re judging. What’s made clear to justice, Justice will seize. What do the laws know When thieves are judging thieves? It’s very obvious, The jewel we see, we pick up Because we see it; but what we don’t see, We walk right over and never think about it. You can’t lessen his crime Just because I’ve made mistakes too, but tell me, When I, the one judging him, make the same mistake, Let my own judgment bring about my death, And nothing be done unfairly. Sir, he must die.
Be it as your wisdom will.
As your wisdom decides.
Where is the provost?
Where is the provost?
Here, if it like your honour.
Here, if it pleases your honor.
See that Claudio Be executed by nine to-morrow morning: Bring him his confessor, let him be prepared; For that’s the utmost of his pilgrimage.
Make sure Claudio Is executed by nine tomorrow morning: Bring him his confessor, let him get ready; Because that’s the final part of his journey.
[Aside] Well, heaven forgive him! and forgive us all! Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall: Some run from brakes of ice, and answer none: And some condemned for a fault alone.
[Aside] Well, may heaven forgive him! And forgive us all! Some rise through sin, and some fall through virtue: Some escape danger, but don’t speak of it: And some are condemned for just one mistake.
Come, bring them away: if these be good people in a commonweal that do nothing but use their abuses in common houses, I know no law: bring them away.
Come on, take them away: if these are the kind of people we want in a society—people who only abuse others in public places—I don’t know what law we follow: take them away.
How now, sir! What’s your name? and what’s the matter?
What’s this, sir? What’s your name? And what’s going on?
If it Please your honour, I am the poor duke’s constable, and my name is Elbow: I do lean upon justice, sir, and do bring in here before your good honour two notorious benefactors.
If it pleases your honor, I am the poor duke’s constable, and my name is Elbow: I uphold justice, sir, and I bring before your good honor two well-known offenders.
Benefactors? Well; what benefactors are they? are they not malefactors?
Benefactors? Well, what kind of benefactors are they? Are they not wrongdoers?
If it? please your honour, I know not well what they are: but precise villains they are, that I am sure of; and void of all profanation in the world that good Christians ought to have.
If it pleases your honor, I don’t really know what they are, but they are definitely villains, that I’m sure of; and completely lacking in any decency that good Christians should have.
This comes off well; here’s a wise officer.
This is going well; here’s a clever officer.
Go to: what quality are they of? Elbow is your name? why dost thou not speak, Elbow?
Go on: what kind of people are they? Elbow is your name? Why don’t you speak, Elbow?
He cannot, sir; he’s out at elbow.
He can’t, sir; he’s broke, sir.
What are you, sir?
What are you, sir?
He, sir! a tapster, sir; parcel-bawd; one that serves a bad woman; whose house, sir, was, as they say, plucked down in the suburbs; and now she professes a hot-house, which, I think, is a very ill house too.
He, sir! A bartender, sir; part-time pimp; one who works for a bad woman; whose house, sir, was, as they say, torn down in the suburbs; and now she runs a brothel, which, I think, is also a very bad place.
How know you that?
How do you know that?
My wife, sir, whom I detest before heaven and your honour,--
My wife, sir, whom I hate before heaven and your honor,--
How? thy wife?
What? Your wife?
Ay, sir; whom, I thank heaven, is an honest woman,--
Yes, sir; who, thank heaven, is an honest woman,--
Dost thou detest her therefore?
Do you hate her then?
I say, sir, I will detest myself also, as well as she, that this house, if it be not a bawd’s house, it is pity of her life, for it is a naughty house.
I’m saying, sir, I’ll hate myself as much as she does, because this house, if it’s not a brothel, then it’s a shame for her life, because it’s a wicked place.
How dost thou know that, constable?
How do you know that, constable?
Marry, sir, by my wife; who, if she had been a woman cardinally given, might have been accused in fornication, adultery, and all uncleanliness there.
Well, sir, from my wife; who, if she had been a woman of bad character, could have been accused of fornication, adultery, and all sorts of sins there.
By the woman’s means?
Because of the woman’s actions?
Ay, sir, by Mistress Overdone’s means: but as she spit in his face, so she defied him.
Yes, sir, by Mistress Overdone’s doing: but as she spat in his face, so she insulted him.
Sir, if it please your honour, this is not so.
Sir, if it pleases your honour, this isn’t true.
Prove it before these varlets here, thou honourable man; prove it.
Prove it in front of these scoundrels here, you honourable man; prove it.
Do you hear how he misplaces?
Do you hear how he’s getting it all wrong?
Sir, she came in great with child; and longing, saving your honour’s reverence, for stewed prunes; sir, we had but two in the house, which at that very distant time stood, as it were, in a fruit-dish, a dish of some three-pence; your honours have seen such dishes; they are not China dishes, but very good dishes,--
Sir, she came in very pregnant; and craving, with all due respect to you, for stewed prunes; sir, we only had two in the house, which at that very moment were sitting in a fruit-dish, a dish worth about three pennies; your honours have seen such dishes; they aren’t fancy dishes, but perfectly decent dishes,--
Go to, go to: no matter for the dish, sir.
Enough, enough: forget the dish, sir.
No, indeed, sir, not of a pin; you are therein in the right: but to the point. As I say, this Mistress Elbow, being, as I say, with child, and being great-bellied, and longing, as I said, for prunes; and having but two in the dish, as I said, Master Froth here, this very man, having eaten the rest, as I said, and, as I say, paying for them very honestly; for, as you know, Master Froth, I could not give you three-pence again.
No, indeed, sir, not at all; you’re right on that: but to get to the point. As I was saying, Mistress Elbow, being, as I mentioned, pregnant, and very much wanting, as I said, prunes; and having only two in the dish, as I said, Master Froth here, this very man, having eaten the rest, as I said, and, as I mentioned, paying for them honestly; because, as you know, Master Froth, I couldn’t give you three pennies back.
No, indeed.
No, indeed.
Very well: you being then, if you be remembered, cracking the stones of the foresaid prunes,--
Very well: you were then, if you remember, cracking the stones of the prunes I mentioned,--
Ay, so I did indeed.
Yes, I did indeed.
Why, very well; I telling you then, if you be remembered, that such a one and such a one were past cure of the thing you wot of, unless they kept very good diet, as I told you,--
Well then; I told you at the time, if you remember, that such and such people were beyond help with that thing you know of, unless they followed a very strict diet, as I told you,--
All this is true.
All this is true.
Why, very well, then,--
Well then,--
Come, you are a tedious fool: to the purpose. What was done to Elbow’s wife, that he hath cause to complain of? Come me to what was done to her.
Come on, you’re being a tedious fool: get to the point. What did Elbow’s wife do that gives him a reason to complain? Get to what happened to her.
Sir, your honour cannot come to that yet.
Sir, your honour can’t get to that just yet.
No, sir, nor I mean it not.
No, sir, and I don’t mean to.
Sir, but you shall come to it, by your honour’s leave. And, I beseech you, look into Master Froth here, sir; a man of four-score pound a year; whose father died at Hallowmas: was’t not at Hallowmas, Master Froth?
Sir, you’ll get to it, with your permission. And, please, take a look at Master Froth here, sir; a man who earns eighty pounds a year; whose father died on Halloween: wasn’t it on Halloween, Master Froth?
All-hallond eve.
All-Hallows’ Eve.
Why, very well; I hope here be truths. He, sir, sitting, as I say, in a lower chair, sir; ’twas in the Bunch of Grapes, where indeed you have a delight to sit, have you not?
Oh, very good; I hope what I’m saying is true. He, sir, sitting, as I said, in a lower chair, sir; it was in the Bunch of Grapes, where, as you know, you like to sit, don’t you?
I have so; because it is an open room and good for winter.
Yes, I do; because it’s an open room and nice in winter.
Why, very well, then; I hope here be truths.
Very well, then; I hope what I’m saying is true.
This will last out a night in Russia, When nights are longest there: I’ll take my leave. And leave you to the hearing of the cause; Hoping you’ll find good cause to whip them all.
This could last a night in Russia, where nights are longest there: I’ll take my leave. And leave you to hear the case; Hoping you’ll find a good reason to punish them all.
I think no less. Good morrow to your lordship.
I think so too. Good morning, my lord.
Now, sir, come on: what was done to Elbow’s wife, once more?
Now, sir, let’s continue: what happened to Elbow’s wife, again?
Once, sir? there was nothing done to her once.
Again, sir? Nothing happened to her.
I beseech you, sir, ask him what this man did to my wife.
Please, sir, ask him what this man did to my wife.
I beseech your honour, ask me.
I beg your honor, ask me.
Well, sir; what did this gentleman to her?
Alright, sir; what did this gentleman do to her?
I beseech you, sir, look in this gentleman’s face. Good Master Froth, look upon his honour; ’tis for a good purpose. Doth your honour mark his face?
Please, sir, look at this gentleman’s face. Good Master Froth, look at his honor; it’s for a good reason. Do you see his face?
Ay, sir, very well.
Yes, sir, very clearly.
Nay; I beseech you, mark it well.
No; please, look at it closely.
Well, I do so.
Well, I do.
Doth your honour see any harm in his face?
Does your honor see any problem with his face?
Why, no.
No, I don’t.
I’ll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worst thing about him. Good, then; if his face be the worst thing about him, how could Master Froth do the constable’s wife any harm? I would know that of your honour.
I’ll bet you anything, his face is the worst part of him. Well then; if his face is the worst part, how could Master Froth hurt the constable’s wife? I want to know that from you, your honor.
He’s in the right. Constable, what say you to it?
He’s right. Constable, what do you say to that?
First, an it like you, the house is a respected house; next, this is a respected fellow; and his mistress is a respected woman.
First, if you please, the house is a respectable one; next, this is a respectable man; and his wife is a respectable woman.
By this hand, sir, his wife is a more respected person than any of us all.
By this hand, sir, his wife is more respectable than any of us.
Varlet, thou liest; thou liest, wicked varlet! the time has yet to come that she was ever respected with man, woman, or child.
Liar, you liar! Wicked liar! The time hasn’t come when anyone ever respected her, man, woman, or child.
Sir, she was respected with him before he married with her.
Sir, she was respected by him before he married her.
Which is the wiser here? Justice or Iniquity? Is this true?
Who’s the wiser here? Justice or Corruption? Is that true?
O thou caitiff! O thou varlet! O thou wicked Hannibal! I respected with her before I was married to her! If ever I was respected with her, or she with me, let not your worship think me the poor duke’s officer. Prove this, thou wicked Hannibal, or I’ll have mine action of battery on thee.
Oh, you scoundrel! Oh, you liar! Oh, you wicked Hannibal! I was respected by her before I married her! If I was ever respected by her, or she by me, don’t let your worship think I’m the poor duke’s officer. Prove it, you wicked Hannibal, or I’ll sue you for battery.
If he took you a box o’ the ear, you might have your action of slander too.
If he slapped you, you could also sue for slander.
Marry, I thank your good worship for it. What is’t your worship’s pleasure I shall do with this wicked caitiff?
Well, I thank you for that, your worship. What do you want me to do with this wicked scoundrel?
Truly, officer, because he hath some offences in him that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst, let him continue in his courses till thou knowest what they are.
Honestly, officer, since he has some offenses that you’d probably reveal if you could, let him keep doing what he’s doing until you know exactly what they are.
Marry, I thank your worship for it. Thou seest, thou wicked varlet, now, what’s come upon thee: thou art to continue now, thou varlet; thou art to continue.
Well, thank you for that, your worship. Now, you see, you wicked liar, what’s happened to you: now you must keep going, you scoundrel; you must keep going.
Where were you born, friend?
Where were you born, friend?
Here in Vienna, sir.
I’m here in Vienna, sir.
Are you of fourscore pounds a year?
Do you make eighty pounds a year?
Yes, an’t please you, sir.
Yes, if it pleases you, sir.
So. What trade are you of, sir?
I see. What is your job, sir?
Tapster; a poor widow’s tapster.
Bartender; a poor widow’s bartender.
Your mistress’ name?
What’s your boss’s name?
Mistress Overdone.
Mistress Overdone.
Hath she had any more than one husband?
Has she had more than one husband?
Nine, sir; Overdone by the last.
Nine, sir; she’s had enough with the last one.
Nine! Come hither to me, Master Froth. Master Froth, I would not have you acquainted with tapsters: they will draw you, Master Froth, and you will hang them. Get you gone, and let me hear no more of you.
Nine! Come here to me, Master Froth. Master Froth, I don’t want you getting mixed up with bartenders: they’ll get you drunk, Master Froth, and you will end up in trouble. Get out of here, and I don’t want to hear anything more from you.
I thank your worship. For mine own part, I never come into any room in a tap-house, but I am drawn in.
Thank you, sir. For my part, I never go into any bar without getting dragged into something.
Well, no more of it, Master Froth: farewell.
Alright, enough of that, Master Froth: goodbye.
Come you hither to me, Master tapster. What’s your name, Master tapster?
Come here, Master bartender. What’s your name, Master bartender?
Pompey.
Pompey.
What else?
What else?
Bum, sir.
Bum, sir.
Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing about you; so that in the beastliest sense you are Pompey the Great. Pompey, you are partly a bawd, Pompey, howsoever you colour it in being a tapster, are you not? come, tell me true: it shall be the better for you.
Honestly, your backside is the best thing about you; so in the worst possible way, you’re Pompey the Great. Pompey, you’re partly a pimp, Pompey, no matter how you try to hide it by being a bartender, right? Come on, tell me the truth: it’ll be better for you.
Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that would live.
Honestly, sir, I’m just a poor guy trying to survive.
How would you live, Pompey? by being a bawd? What do you think of the trade, Pompey? is it a lawful trade?
How do you plan to survive, Pompey? By being a pimp? What do you think about that job, Pompey? Is it a legal job?
If the law would allow it, sir.
If the law would allow it, sir.
But the law will not allow it, Pompey; nor it shall not be allowed in Vienna.
But the law doesn’t allow it, Pompey; and it won’t be allowed in Vienna.
Does your worship mean to geld and splay all the youth of the city?
Does your honor mean to castrate and cut off all the young men in the city?
No, Pompey.
No, Pompey.
Truly, sir, in my poor opinion, they will to’t then. If your worship will take order for the drabs and the knaves, you need not to fear the bawds.
Honestly, sir, I think they will go along with it then. If your honor takes care of the prostitutes and criminals, you don’t need to worry about the pimps.
There are pretty orders beginning, I can tell you: it is but heading and hanging.
There are some good laws starting, I can tell you: it’s just about decapitation and hanging.
If you head and hang all that offend that way but for ten year together, you’ll be glad to give out a commission for more heads: if this law hold in Vienna ten year, I’ll rent the fairest house in it after three-pence a bay: if you live to see this come to pass, say Pompey told you so.
If you decapitate and hang everyone who does wrong like that for ten years straight, you’ll be happy to issue a commission for more heads: if this law stays in Vienna for ten years, I’ll rent the best house in town for three-pence a month. If you live to see that happen, remember Pompey told you so.
Thank you, good Pompey; and, in requital of your prophecy, hark you: I advise you, let me not find you before me again upon any complaint whatsoever; no, not for dwelling where you do: if I do, Pompey, I shall beat you to your tent, and prove a shrewd Caesar to you; in plain dealing, Pompey, I shall have you whipt: so, for this time, Pompey, fare you well.
Thank you, good Pompey; and, as a reward for your prophecy, listen to me: I advise you, don’t let me catch you in front of me again for any reason at all; not even for where you live: if I do, Pompey, I’ll beat you to your tent, and prove to you I’m a fierce ruler; to be clear, Pompey, I’ll have you whipped: so, for now, Pompey, goodbye.
I thank your worship for your good counsel:
I thank your honor for your good advice:
but I shall follow it as the flesh and fortune shall better determine. Whip me? No, no; let carman whip his jade: The valiant heart is not whipt out of his trade.
But I’ll follow it as much as my circumstances and fate will allow. Whip me? No, no; let the cart driver whip his horse: A brave man isn’t whipped out of his profession.
Come hither to me, Master Elbow; come hither, Master constable. How long have you been in this place of constable?
Come here to me, Master Elbow; come here, Master constable. How long have you been in this job as constable?
Seven year and a half, sir.
Seven and a half years, sir.
I thought, by your readiness in the office, you had continued in it some time. You say, seven years together?
I thought, from how quickly you do your job, that you had been doing it for some time. You’ve been doing it for seven years straight?
And a half, sir.
And a half, sir.
Alas, it hath been great pains to you. They do you wrong to put you so oft upon ’t: are there not men in your ward sufficient to serve it?
Oh dear, that must have been very tiring for you. It’s wrong of them to make you do it so often: aren’t there enough men in your area to handle the job?
Faith, sir, few of any wit in such matters: as they are chosen, they are glad to choose me for them; I do it for some piece of money, and go through with all.
Honestly, sir, there are few with any sense when it comes to this kind of thing: when they’re chosen, they’re happy to pick me for the job; I do it for a little money, and I get it done.
Look you bring me in the names of some six or seven, the most sufficient of your parish.
Alright, bring me the names of six or seven of the most reliable men in your parish.
To your worship’s house, sir?
To your house, sir?
To my house. Fare you well.
Yes, to my house. Goodbye.
What’s o’clock, think you?
What time do you think it is?
Eleven, sir.
Eleven, sir.
I pray you home to dinner with me.
Please, come home with me for dinner.
I humbly thank you.
I humbly thank you.
It grieves me for the death of Claudio; But there’s no remedy.
I’m sad about Claudio’s death; But there’s nothing to be done.
Lord Angelo is severe.
Lord Angelo is very strict.
It is but needful: Mercy is not itself, that oft looks so; Pardon is still the nurse of second woe: But yet,--poor Claudio! There is no remedy. Come, sir.
It’s necessary: Mercy isn’t always what it seems; Pardon often brings more grief: But still,--poor Claudio! There’s no solution. Come on, sir.