Henry IV, Part 1 · Act 2, Scene 2

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Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS
Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS
Poins

Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff’s horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.

Poins

Come, hide, hide: I’ve moved Falstaff’s horse, and he’s getting all worked up like a sticky velvet.

Prince Henry

Stand close.

Prince Henry

Stay hidden.

Enter FALSTAFF
Enter FALSTAFF
Falstaff

Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!

Falstaff

Poins! Poins, and be damned! Poins!

Prince Henry

Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling dost thou keep!

Prince Henry

Quiet, you fat-bellied fool! What a racket you’re making!

Falstaff

Where’s Poins, Hal?

Falstaff

Where’s Poins, Hal?

Prince Henry

He is walked up to the top of the hill: I’ll go seek him.

Prince Henry

He’s walked to the top of the hill: I’ll go find him.

Falstaff

I am accursed to rob in that thief’s company: the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I ’scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two and twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the rascal hath not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hanged; it could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! a plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve ere I’ll rob a foot further. An ’twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me; and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough: a plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another!

Falstaff

I’m cursed to rob with that thief: that rascal has moved my horse, and tied him somewhere I don’t know. If I walk more than four steps further, I’ll be out of breath. Well, I don’t doubt I’ll die a good death for all this, if I escape hanging for killing that rogue. I’ve sworn off his company every hour for the last twenty-two years, and yet I’m still enchanted by the rogue’s company. If that rascal hasn’t given me potions to make me love him, I’ll be hanged; it couldn’t be otherwise: I’ve drunk potions. Poins! Hal! damn you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’d rather starve than rob another step. If it weren’t such a good deed as drinking, to become a true man and leave these rogues, I am the most worthless scoundrel that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground feels like seventy miles on foot to me; and the stone-hearted villains know it well enough: damn it when thieves can’t be true to one another!

They whistle
They whistle
Falstaff

Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues; give me my horse, and be hanged!

Falstaff

Whew! Damn you all! Give me my horse, you rogues; give me my horse, and be damned!

Prince Henry

Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.

Prince Henry

Quiet, you fat fool! lie down; put your ear to the ground and listen if you can hear the footsteps of travelers.

Falstaff

Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? ’Sblood, I’ll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin in thy father’s exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?

Falstaff

Do you have any levers to lift me up again, now that I’m down? God’s blood, I won’t drag my own body that far on foot again for all the money in your father’s treasury. What the hell do you mean by treating me like this?

Prince Henry

Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.

Prince Henry

You’re lying; you’re not treated like that, you’re un-treated.

Falstaff

I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king’s son.

Falstaff

Please, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king’s son.

Prince Henry

Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?

Prince Henry

Get out, you rogue! Do you want me to be your stableman?

Falstaff

Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters! If I be ta’en, I’ll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.

Falstaff

Go hang yourself with your own future king’s garters! If I get caught, I’ll rat you all out. If I don’t have songs made about you and sung to dirty tunes, let a cup of wine be my poison: when a joke is so forward, and so quick too! I hate it.

Enter GADSHILL, BARDOLPH and PETO
Enter GADSHILL, BARDOLPH and PETO
Gadshill

Stand.

Gadshill

Stop.

Falstaff

So I do, against my will.

Falstaff

I am stopping, against my will.

Poins

O, ’tis our setter: I know his voice. Bardolph, what news?

Poins

Oh, it’s our man: I recognize his voice. Bardolph, what’s the news?

Bardolph

Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there ’s money of the king’s coming down the hill; ’tis going to the king’s exchequer.

Bardolph

Hide yourselves, hide yourselves; put on your masks: there’s money from the king coming down the hill; it’s going to the king’s treasury.

Falstaff

You lie, ye rogue; ’tis going to the king’s tavern.

Falstaff

You’re lying, you rogue; it’s going to the king’s tavern.

Gadshill

There’s enough to make us all.

Gadshill

There’s enough to make us all.

Falstaff

To be hanged.

Falstaff

To be hanged.

Prince Henry

Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane; Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they ’scape from your encounter, then they light on us.

Prince Henry

You four will face them in the narrow lane; Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they escape from your attack, they’ll run into us.

Peto

How many be there of them?

Peto

How many are there of them?

Gadshill

Some eight or ten.

Gadshill

About eight or ten.

Falstaff

’Zounds, will they not rob us?

Falstaff

Damn it, won’t they rob us?

Prince Henry

What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?

Prince Henry

What, a coward, Sir John Fat?

Falstaff

Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather; but yet no coward, Hal.

Falstaff

Honestly, I’m not your grandfather John of Gaunt; but I’m no coward, Hal.

Prince Henry

Well, we leave that to the proof.

Prince Henry

Alright, we’ll see about that.

Poins

Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge: when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast.

Poins

Jack, your horse is behind the hedge: when you need him, you’ll find him there. Goodbye, and be brave.

Falstaff

Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.

Falstaff

Now I can’t even hit him, or I’d be hanged.

Prince Henry

Ned, where are our disguises?

Prince Henry

Ned, where are our disguises?

Poins

Here, hard by: stand close.

Poins

Here, right nearby: stay hidden.

Exeunt PRINCE HENRY and POINS
Exeunt PRINCE HENRY and POINS
Falstaff

Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I: every man to his business.

Falstaff

Now, my friends, good luck to whoever gets the loot, I say: everyone to his work.

Enter the Travellers
Enter the Travellers
First Traveller

Come, neighbour: the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we’ll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs.

First Traveller

Come on, neighbor: the boy will take our horses down the hill; we’ll walk for a while, and rest our legs.

Thieves

Stand!

Thieves

Stop!

Travellers

Jesus bless us!

Travellers

God bless us!

Falstaff

Strike; down with them; cut the villains’ throats: ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they hate us youth: down with them: fleece them.

Falstaff

Hit them; kill them; slit the villains’ throats: ah! bastards! fat, greedy fools! they hate us young people: kill them: rob them.

Travellers

O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!

Travellers

Oh, we’re finished, both us and our families forever!

Falstaff

Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs: I would your store were here! On, bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must live. You are Grand-jurors, are ye? we’ll jure ye, ’faith.

Falstaff

Damn you, fat idiots, are you finished? No, you big fools: I wish your treasure was here! Come on, you bacon-eaters! What, you fools! young men need to live. You think you’re Grand-jurors, huh? we’ll judge you, I swear.

Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt
Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt
Re-enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS
Re-enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS
Prince Henry

The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month and a good jest for ever.

Prince Henry

The thieves have tied up the good men. Now, if you and I could rob the thieves and ride happily to London, it would be a story for a week, laughter for a month and a good joke forever.

Poins

Stand close; I hear them coming.

Poins

Stay hidden; I hear them coming.

Enter the Thieves again
Enter the Thieves again
Falstaff

Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there’s no equity stirring: there’s no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck.

Falstaff

Come on, my friends, let’s share, then get on our horses before dawn. If the Prince and Poins aren’t total cowards, there’s no justice in the world: there’s no more courage in Poins than in a wild duck.

Prince Henry

Your money!

Prince Henry

Your money!

Poins

Villains!

Poins

You villains!

As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them; they all run away; and Falstaff, after a blow or two, runs away too, leaving the booty behind them
As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them; they all run away; and Falstaff, after a blow or two, runs away too, leaving the booty behind them
Prince Henry

Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse: The thieves are all scatter’d and possess’d with fear So strongly that they dare not meet each other; Each takes his fellow for an officer. Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death, And lards the lean earth as he walks along: Were ’t not for laughing, I should pity him.

Prince Henry

Taken with little effort. Now, let’s happily get on our horses: The thieves are all scattered and so scared that they don’t dare face each other; Each one thinks his companion is an officer. Let’s go, good Ned. Falstaff is sweating to death, and he’s making the ground muddy as he walks: If it weren’t so funny, I’d feel sorry for him.

Poins

How the rogue roar’d!

Poins

How the rogue roared!

Exuent
Exuent

End of Act 2, Scene 2

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