Original
Modern English
Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.
Now, as you love me, let me see his letter.
Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.
Good Master Fabian, please grant me another request.
Any thing.
Anything.
Do not desire to see this letter.
Don’t ask to see this letter.
This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my dog again.
This is like giving a dog away and then asking for my dog back in return.
Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?
Do you belong to Lady Olivia, friends?
Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.
Yes, sir; we’re part of her entourage.
I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?
I know you well; how are you, my good man?
Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse for my friends.
Honestly, sir, I’m better off for my enemies and worse off for my friends.
Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.
Just the opposite; better off for your friends.
No, sir, the worse.
No, sir, worse off.
How can that be?
How can that be?
Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me; now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself, and by my friends, I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for my friends and the better for my foes.
Well, sir, they praise me and make a fool of me; now my enemies tell me straight up I’m a fool: so by my enemies, sir, I learn the truth about myself, and by my friends, I get treated badly: so that, conclusions to be like kisses, if your four “no’s” turn into two “yes’s,” then it’s worse for my friends and better for my enemies.
Why, this is excellent.
Well, this is great.
By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends.
Honestly, sir, no; though I’d be happy if you wanted to be one of my friends.
Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there’s gold.
You won’t be worse off because of me: here’s some gold.
But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you could make it another.
But if it weren’t for the fact that it would be cheating, sir, I’d wish you could make it something else.
O, you give me ill counsel.
Oh, you’re giving me bad advice.
Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it.
Put your grace in your pocket, sir, just for this once, and let your body obey it.
Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a double-dealer: there’s another.
Fine, I’ll be a sinner, I’ll be a cheater: here’s another.
Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.
First, second, third, is a good game; and the old saying goes, the third time pays for everything: the triplex, sir, is a good skipping measure; or the bells of Saint Bennet, sir, may remind you; one, two, three.
You can fool no more money out of me at this throw: if you will let your lady know I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further.
You can’t get any more money out of me this time: if you’ll let your lady know I’m here to talk with her, and bring her along, it might inspire my generosity more.
Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness: but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon.
Well, sir, lullaby to your generosity until I return. I’m off, sir; but I don’t want you to think that my desire to have is the sin of greed: but, as you say, sir, let your generosity take a nap, I will wake it up soon.
Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.
Here comes the man, sir, who rescued me.
That face of his I do remember well; Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear’d As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war: A bawbling vessel was he captain of, For shallow draught and bulk unprizable; With which such scathful grapple did he make With the most noble bottom of our fleet, That very envy and the tongue of loss Cried fame and honour on him. What’s the matter?
I remember that face of his well; But the last time I saw it, it was covered in soot, like Vulcan in the smoke of battle: He was captain of a poor ship, with little draft and not worth much; With it, he made a fierce fight against the finest ship in our fleet, so much so that even envy and defeat praised his fame and honor. What’s going on?
Orsino, this is that Antonio That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy; And this is he that did the Tiger board, When your young nephew Titus lost his leg: Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state, In private brabble did we apprehend him.
Orsino, this is Antonio who took the Phoenix and her cargo from Candy; and this is the man who boarded the Tiger, when your young nephew Titus lost his leg: We arrested him here in the streets, desperate, ashamed, and in a private quarrel.
He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side; But in conclusion put strange speech upon me: I know not what ’twas but distraction.
He was kind to me, sir, and took my side; But in the end, said some strange things to me: I don’t know what they were, but I was confused.
Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief! What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies, Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear, Hast made thine enemies?
A famous pirate! You salty sea thief! What foolishness led you to their mercy, When you, with such bloody and costly words, Have made them your enemies?
Orsino, noble sir, Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me: Antonio never yet was thief or pirate, Though I confess, on base and ground enough, Orsino’s enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither: That most ingrateful boy there by your side, From the rude sea’s enraged and foamy mouth Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was: His life I gave him and did thereto add My love, without retention or restraint, All his in dedication; for his sake Did I expose myself, pure for his love, Into the danger of this adverse town; Drew to defend him when he was beset: Where being apprehended, his false cunning, Not meaning to partake with me in danger, Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance, And grew a twenty years removed thing While one would wink; denied me mine own purse, Which I had recommended to his use Not half an hour before.
Orsino, noble sir, Please let me shake off these names you call me: Antonio has never been a thief or pirate, Though I admit, I am Orsino’s enemy. A spell brought me here: I saved that ungrateful boy by your side, From the angry and foamy sea’s mouth, He was a wreck, beyond hope: I gave him my life and added to it My love, freely and without restraint, All mine to him in devotion; for his sake I risked myself, pure for his love, In the danger of this hostile city; I fought to protect him when he was attacked: But when I was caught, his false cleverness, Not wanting to share the danger with me, Taught him to deny me, pretending not to know me, And he became a stranger in the blink of an eye; He even refused my purse, Which I had given him less than half an hour before.
How can this be?
How could this happen?
When came he to this town?
When did he come to this city?
To-day, my lord; and for three months before, No interim, not a minute’s vacancy, Both day and night did we keep company.
Today, my lord; and for the past three months, We’ve been together day and night, without a break, Never apart, not even for a minute.
Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth. But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness: Three months this youth hath tended upon me; But more of that anon. Take him aside.
Here comes the countess: now heaven itself walks on earth. But as for you, fellow; fellow, your words are madness: This youth has served me for three months; But more on that later. Take him aside.
What would my lord, but that he may not have, Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable? Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.
What does my lord want, if not something that I can offer? Cesario, you haven’t kept your promise to me.
Madam!
Madam!
Gracious Olivia,--
Gracious Olivia,--
What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--
What are you saying, Cesario? Good my lord,--
My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.
My lord wants to speak; my duty keeps me quiet.
If it be aught to the old tune, my lord, It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear As howling after music.
If it’s anything like the same old speech, my lord, It sounds as unpleasant to me As howling after music.
Still so cruel?
Still so cruel?
Still so constant, lord.
Still so determined, my lord.
What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady, To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars My soul the faithfull’st offerings hath breathed out That e’er devotion tender’d! What shall I do?
What, to stubbornness? you rude woman, To whose ungrateful and unlucky altars My soul has given the truest offerings That devotion has ever made! What should I do?
Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.
Even whatever pleases my lord, that shall be right for him.
Why should I not, had I the heart to do it, Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death, Kill what I love?--a savage jealousy That sometimes savours nobly. But hear me this: Since you to non-regardance cast my faith, And that I partly know the instrument That screws me from my true place in your favour, Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still; But this your minion, whom I know you love, And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly, Him will I tear out of that cruel eye, Where he sits crowned in his master’s spite. Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief: I’ll sacrifice the lamb that I do love, To spite a raven’s heart within a dove.
Why shouldn’t I, if I had the heart to do it, Like the Egyptian thief at the moment of death, Kill what I love?--a cruel jealousy That sometimes seems noble. But listen to me: Since you’ve disregarded my love, And since I partly know the reason That pushes me away from your favor, You can stay a cold-hearted tyrant; But this lover, whom I know you care for, And whom, by heaven, I swear I love dearly, I will rip him out of that cruel gaze, Where he sits, crowned with your spite. Come, boy, come with me; my thoughts are full of mischief: I’ll sacrifice the one I love, To hurt a heart as dark as a raven’s within a dove.
And I, most jocund, apt and willingly, To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die.
And I, full of joy, eager and willing, To give you peace, would die a thousand deaths.
Where goes Cesario?
Where is Cesario going?
After him I love More than I love these eyes, more than my life, More, by all mores, than e’er I shall love wife. If I do feign, you witnesses above Punish my life for tainting of my love!
After him I love More than I love my own eyes, more than my life, More, by all means, than I’ll ever love a wife. If I’m lying, let the heavens above Punish my life for corrupting my love!
Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!
Oh, how I’ve been deceived! How have I been tricked!
Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?
Who’s deceiving you? Who is wronging you?
Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long? Call forth the holy father.
Have you forgotten yourself? Has it been so long? Bring the priest here.
Come, away!
Come, leave this place!
Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.
Where are we going, my lord? Cesario, my husband, stay.
Husband!
Husband!
Ay, husband: can he that deny?
Yes, husband: can anyone deny it?
Her husband, sirrah!
Her husband, you fool!
No, my lord, not I.
No, my lord, not I.
Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear That makes thee strangle thy propriety: Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up; Be that thou know’st thou art, and then thou art As great as that thou fear’st.
Alas, it’s your cowardice That makes you deny your true nature: Don’t be afraid, Cesario; take control of your fate; Be who you really are, and then you’ll be As great as what you fear.
O, welcome, father! Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence, Here to unfold, though lately we intended To keep in darkness what occasion now Reveals before ’tis ripe, what thou dost know Hath newly pass’d between this youth and me.
Oh, welcome, Father! Father, I ask you, by your respect, To reveal now, though we meant to keep it secret, What has just come to light, something we planned to hide Until it was the right time, what you know Has just happened between this young man and me.
A contract of eternal bond of love, Confirm’d by mutual joinder of your hands, Attested by the holy close of lips, Strengthen’d by interchangement of your rings; And all the ceremony of this compact Seal’d in my function, by my testimony: Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave I have travell’d but two hours.
A vow of eternal love, Made when you joined hands, Sealed by the kiss, Strengthened when you exchanged rings; And all the rituals of this agreement Were completed by my role, and my testimony: Since then, my watch has told me, I’ve only traveled For two hours, toward my grave.
O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be When time hath sow’d a grizzle on thy case? Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow, That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow? Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.
You lying scoundrel! What will you be like When age has made your hair gray? Or will your trickery grow so fast That your own deceit will bring about your downfall? Goodbye, and take her; but go where I hope we never meet again.
My lord, I do protest--
My lord, I swear to you--
O, do not swear! Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.
Oh, don’t swear! Don’t trust too much, even though you’re scared.
For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently to Sir Toby.
For God’s sake, a doctor! Send one to Sir Toby right away!
What’s the matter?
What happened?
He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.
He cracked my skull and gave Sir Toby a bloody nose too: please, I need your help! I’d rather be home than have forty pounds!
Who has done this, Sir Andrew?
Who did this, Sir Andrew?
The count’s gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for a coward, but he’s the very devil incardinate.
The count’s man, Cesario: we thought he was a coward, but he’s actually a devil in disguise.
My gentleman, Cesario?
My man, Cesario?
’Od’s lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do’t by Sir Toby.
By God, here he is! You broke my head for nothing; and everything I did, Sir Toby made me do.
Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you: You drew your sword upon me without cause; But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.
Why are you talking to me? I never hurt you: You drew your sword on me without reason; But I spoke kindly to you, and didn’t hurt you.
If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
If a bloody nose counts as a hurt, then you have hurt me: I think you don’t care about a bloody nose.
Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more: but if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates than he did.
Here comes Sir Toby limping; you’ll hear more: but if he hadn’t been drunk, he would have hurt you in a different way than he did.
How now, gentleman! how is’t with you?
What’s going on, gentlemen? How are you?
That’s all one: has hurt me, and there’s the end on’t. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?
It’s the same thing: he’s hurt me, and that’s the end of it. Fool, did you see the doctor, fool?
O, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes were set at eight i’ the morning.
Oh, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, an hour ago; his eyes were bloodshot at eight in the morning.
Then he’s a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I hate a drunken rogue.
Then he’s a scoundrel, and a useless fool: I can’t stand a drunken scoundrel.
Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?
Get him out of here! Who’s caused this mess?
I’ll help you, Sir Toby, because well be dressed together.
I’ll help you, Sir Toby, because we’ll be dressed together.
Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!
Will you help? An idiot and a fool and a rascal, a pale-faced rascal, a sucker!
Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look’d to.
Get him to bed, and make sure his injury is treated.
I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman: But, had it been the brother of my blood, I must have done no less with wit and safety. You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that I do perceive it hath offended you: Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows We made each other but so late ago.
I’m sorry, madam, I have hurt your relative: But, had he been my own brother, I would have done the same with caution and reason. You’re looking at me strangely, and by that I can tell it’s upset you: Forgive me, sweet lady, even for the promises We made to each other just a little while ago.
One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons, A natural perspective, that is and is not!
One face, one voice, one appearance, and two people, A strange illusion, that is and isn’t!
Antonio, O my dear Antonio! How have the hours rack’d and tortured me, Since I have lost thee!
Antonio, oh my dear Antonio! How have the hours tormented me, Since I lost you!
Sebastian are you?
Sebastian, is that you?
Fear’st thou that, Antonio?
Are you afraid of that, Antonio?
How have you made division of yourself? An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?
How did you split yourself into two? An apple cut in half is not more identical Than these two people. Which one is Sebastian?
Most wonderful!
This is amazing!
Do I stand there? I never had a brother; Nor can there be that deity in my nature, Of here and every where. I had a sister, Whom the blind waves and surges have devour’d. Of charity, what kin are you to me? What countryman? what name? what parentage?
Am I standing there? I never had a brother; And there can’t be such a god in my nature, Who is everywhere and here. I had a sister, Whom the blind waves and storms have swallowed. Out of kindness, what relation are you to me? What country are you from? What’s your name? What’s your family?
Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father; Such a Sebastian was my brother too, So went he suited to his watery tomb: If spirits can assume both form and suit You come to fright us.
I’m from Messaline: Sebastian was my father; A man named Sebastian was also my brother, And he was dressed for his watery grave: If spirits can take on both form and appearance, You’re here to scare us.
A spirit I am indeed; But am in that dimension grossly clad Which from the womb I did participate. Were you a woman, as the rest goes even, I should my tears let fall upon your cheek, And say ’Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!’
I’m a spirit indeed; But I’m clothed in the same body I was born with. If you were a woman, as things usually go, I would shed my tears onto your cheek, And say, ‘Welcome back, drowned Viola!’
My father had a mole upon his brow.
My father had a mole on his forehead.
And so had mine.
And so did mine.
And died that day when Viola from her birth Had number’d thirteen years.
And he died on the day that Viola turned thirteen.
O, that record is lively in my soul! He finished indeed his mortal act That day that made my sister thirteen years.
Oh, that memory is vivid in my soul! He really did die on the day my sister turned thirteen.
If nothing lets to make us happy both But this my masculine usurp’d attire, Do not embrace me till each circumstance Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump That I am Viola: which to confirm, I’ll bring you to a captain in this town, Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help I was preserved to serve this noble count. All the occurrence of my fortune since Hath been between this lady and this lord.
If nothing stops us from being happy, Except my manly disguise, Don’t embrace me until everything fits together, Until time, place, and fortune all align, And I prove that I am Viola. To show you I’m telling the truth, I’ll take you to a captain in this town, Where my women’s clothes are; and with his kind help, I was saved to serve this noble count. Everything that’s happened to me since Has been because of this lady and this lord.
[To OLIVIA] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook: But nature to her bias drew in that. You would have been contracted to a maid; Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived, You are betroth’d both to a maid and man.
[To OLIVIA] So it turns out, lady, you’ve been mistaken: But nature pushed you toward it. You would have been married to a woman; And you’re not wrong about that, I swear, You’re betrothed to both a woman and a man.
Be not amazed; right noble is his blood. If this be so, as yet the glass seems true, I shall have share in this most happy wreck.
Don’t be shocked; his blood is noble. If this is true, as it seems to be, I’ll share in this most fortunate mix-up.
Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.
Boy, you’ve told me a thousand times That you would never love a woman like me.
And all those sayings will I overswear; And those swearings keep as true in soul As doth that orbed continent the fire That severs day from night.
And I will take back all those words; And I’ll keep my promises as true as the earth That separates day from night.
Give me thy hand; And let me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.
Give me your hand; And let me see you in your woman’s clothes.
The captain that did bring me first on shore Hath my maid’s garments: he upon some action Is now in durance, at Malvolio’s suit, A gentleman, and follower of my lady’s.
The captain who brought me ashore first Has my maid’s clothes: he’s currently in prison, On Malvolio’s request, a gentleman, And a servant of my lady’s.
He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither: And yet, alas, now I remember me, They say, poor gentleman, he’s much distract.
He’ll be released: bring Malvolio here: And now, alas, I remember, They say, poor man, he’s terribly mad.
A most extracting frenzy of mine own From my remembrance clearly banish’d his. How does he, sirrah?
A wild frenzy of my own Has completely erased his from my memory. How is he, fool?
Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves’s end as well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a letter to you; I should have given’t you to-day morning, but as a madman’s epistles are no gospels, so it skills not much when they are delivered.
Truly, madam, he’s holding the devil by the horns As best as a man in his condition can: he’s written A letter to you; I should’ve given it to you this morning, But since a madman’s letters aren’t exactly holy scripture, It doesn’t matter when they’re delivered.
Open’t, and read it.
Open it, and read it.
Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers the madman.
Well then, prepare to be enlightened when the fool delivers The madman’s message.
’By the Lord, madam,’--
‘By the Lord, madam,’
How now! art thou mad?
What’s this! Are you mad?
No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.
No, madam, I’m just reading madness: if you want it as it should be, You’ll have to allow the voice of the fool.
Prithee, read i’ thy right wits.
Please, read it with your right mind.
So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.
I am, madonna; but to read his right mind is to Read it like this: so listen, my princess, and pay attention.
Read it you, sirrah.
Read it yourself, fool.
[Reads] ’By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of and speak out of my injury. THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.’
[Reads] ’By God, madam, you are wronging me, and the world will know it: even though you’ve thrown me into darkness and given your drunken cousin control over me, I still have my senses, just like you do. I have your own letter that made me act the way I did; and with it, I’m sure I’ll either clear my name or bring you great shame. Think of me however you want. I leave my duty aside for a moment and speak out of my hurt. THE POORLY TREATED MALVOLIO.’
Did he write this?
Did he write this?
Ay, madam.
Yes, madam.
This savours not much of distraction.
This doesn’t seem like the ramblings of a madman.
See him deliver’d, Fabian; bring him hither.
Get him delivered, Fabian; bring him here.
My lord so please you, these things further thought on, To think me as well a sister as a wife, One day shall crown the alliance on’t, so please you, Here at my house and at my proper cost.
If it pleases you, my lord, these matters should be further considered, To think of me not just as a wife, but also as a sister. One day, we’ll seal the bond, if it pleases you, Here at my house and at my own expense.
Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.
Madam, I am very willing to accept your offer.
Your master quits you; and for your service done him, So much against the mettle of your sex, So far beneath your soft and tender breeding, And since you call’d me master for so long, Here is my hand: you shall from this time be Your master’s mistress.
Your master lets you go; and for all your service to him, So much against what is expected from someone of your gender, So far beneath your delicate and noble upbringing, And since you called me master all this time, Here is my hand: from now on, you will be Your master’s mistress.
A sister! you are she.
A sister! You are the one.
Is this the madman?
Is this the madman?
Ay, my lord, this same. How now, Malvolio!
Yes, my lord, this is him. How are you, Malvolio?
Madam, you have done me wrong, Notorious wrong.
Madam, you’ve wronged me, Greatly wronged me.
Have I, Malvolio? no.
Have I, Malvolio? No.
Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter. You must not now deny it is your hand: Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase; Or say ’tis not your seal, nor your invention: You can say none of this: well, grant it then And tell me, in the modesty of honour, Why you have given me such clear lights of favour, Bade me come smiling and cross-garter’d to you, To put on yellow stockings and to frown Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people; And, acting this in an obedient hope, Why have you suffer’d me to be imprison’d, Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest, And made the most notorious geck and gull That e’er invention play’d on? tell me why.
Lady, you have. Please, read this letter. You can’t deny it’s your handwriting now: Try to copy it, if you can, in writing or style; Or say it’s not your seal, or not your idea: You can’t say any of that: well, let’s assume it’s true And tell me, in all honesty, Why you have given me such obvious signs of favour, Told me to come smiling and wearing cross-gartered stockings, To put on yellow stockings and scowl At Sir Toby and the others; And, acting all of this in the hope of obedience, Why have you allowed me to be locked up, Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest, And made the most ridiculous fool That anyone has ever played a trick on? Tell me why.
Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing, Though, I confess, much like the character But out of question ’tis Maria’s hand. And now I do bethink me, it was she First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling, And in such forms which here were presupposed Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content: This practise hath most shrewdly pass’d upon thee; But when we know the grounds and authors of it, Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge Of thine own cause.
Oh, Malvolio, this isn’t my handwriting, Though, I admit, it’s very similar in style But it’s definitely Maria’s handwriting. And now I remember, she was the first one Who told me you were mad; then you came in smiling, And in exactly the same way described in the letter. Please, be calm: This trick has been played on you very cleverly; But when we know the full story and the people behind it, You’ll be both the complainant and the judge Of your own case.
Good madam, hear me speak, And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come Taint the condition of this present hour, Which I have wonder’d at. In hope it shall not, Most freely I confess, myself and Toby Set this device against Malvolio here, Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts We had conceived against him: Maria writ The letter at Sir Toby’s great importance; In recompense whereof he hath married her. How with a sportful malice it was follow’d, May rather pluck on laughter than revenge; If that the injuries be justly weigh’d That have on both sides pass’d.
Madam, please listen to me, And don’t let any argument or fight spoil The mood of this moment, which I’ve been amazed by. I hope it won’t, I’ll admit freely, Sir Toby and I Set this plan against Malvolio, Based on some stubborn and rude behaviour We had against him: Maria wrote The letter at Sir Toby’s strong insistence; And in return for that, he married her. How the malice was carried out in such a playful way, Is more likely to make you laugh than seek revenge; If you carefully consider the injuries That have happened on both sides.
Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!
Poor fool, how they’ve humiliated you!
Why, ’some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.’ I was one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but that’s all one. ’By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.’ But do you remember? ’Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? an you smile not, he’s gagged:’ and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.
Well, some are born great, some achieve greatness, And some have greatness thrown upon them. I was One of those, sir, in this play; one Sir Topas, sir; but That’s beside the point. ’By the Lord, fool, I’m not mad.’ But do you remember? ’Madam, why laugh at such A useless rascal? If you don’t smile, he’s silenced:’ And thus the wheel of time brings back its revenge.
I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you.
I’ll get back at all of you.
He hath been most notoriously abused.
He’s been horribly mistreated.
Pursue him and entreat him to a peace: He hath not told us of the captain yet: When that is known and golden time convents, A solemn combination shall be made Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister, We will not part from hence. Cesario, come; For so you shall be, while you are a man; But when in other habits you are seen, Orsino’s mistress and his fancy’s queen.
Go after him and try to make peace: He hasn’t told us about the captain yet: Once that’s known and the right time comes, We’ll make a serious commitment Of our dear souls. Meanwhile, sweet sister, We won’t leave here. Cesario, come; You’ll be Cesario as long as you’re a man; But when you’re seen in other clothes, You’ll be Orsino’s mistress and his queen of hearts.
[Sings] When that I was and a little tiny boy, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, A foolish thing was but a toy, For the rain it raineth every day. But when I came to man’s estate, With hey, ho, & c. ’Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate, For the rain, & c. But when I came, alas! to wive, With hey, ho, & c. By swaggering could I never thrive, For the rain, & c. But when I came unto my beds, With hey, ho, & c. With toss-pots still had drunken heads, For the rain, & c. A great while ago the world begun, With hey, ho, & c. But that’s all one, our play is done, And we’ll strive to please you every day.
[Sings] When I was just a little boy, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, A foolish thing was just a toy, Because the rain always falls. But when I grew up, With hey, ho, & c. People close their doors to knaves and thieves, Because the rain, & c. But when I came, alas! to marry, With hey, ho, & c. I couldn’t thrive by swaggering, Because the rain, & c. But when I came to bed, With hey, ho, & c. Drunken people still had their heads, Because the rain, & c. A long time ago the world began, With hey, ho, & c. But that doesn’t matter, our play is done, And we’ll try to make you happy every day.