Much Ado About Nothing · Act 5, Scene 2

Listen in app

Original

Modern English

Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting
Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting
Benedick

Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.

Benedick

Please, sweet Mistress Margaret, do me a favor by helping me get a chance to speak with Beatrice.

Margaret

Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?

Margaret

So, will you write me a poem praising my beauty?

Benedick

In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou deservest it.

Benedick

In such a high style, Margaret, that no man alive will be able to match it; for, in all honesty, you deserve it.

Margaret

To have no man come over me! why, shall I always keep below stairs?

Margaret

No man will match me! So, should I stay downstairs forever?

Benedick

Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound’s mouth; it catches.

Benedick

Your wit is as quick as a greyhound’s mouth; it catches

Margaret

And yours as blunt as the fencer’s foils, which hit, but hurt not.

Margaret

And yours is as dull as a fencer’s sword, which hits, but doesn’t hurt.

Benedick

A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give thee the bucklers.

Benedick

A very manly wit, Margaret; it won’t hurt a woman: so, please, call Beatrice: I give you the challenge.

Margaret

Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own.

Margaret

Give us the swords; we have shields of our own.

Benedick

If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids.

Benedick

If you use them, Margaret, you’ll need to tighten the points with a clamp; and they’re dangerous tools for women.

Margaret

Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.

Margaret

Fine, I’ll call Beatrice to you, who I think has legs.

Benedick

And therefore will come.

Benedick

And so, she will come.

Exit MARGARET
Exit MARGARET
Sings
Sings
Benedick

The god of love, That sits above, And knows me, and knows me, How pitiful I deserve,-- I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the good swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and a whole bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers, whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find out no rhyme to ’lady’ but ’baby,’ an innocent rhyme; for ’scorn,’ ’horn,’ a hard rhyme; for, ’school,’ ’fool,’ a babbling rhyme; very ominous endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms.

Benedick

The god of love, Who sits above, And knows me, and knows me, How poorly I deserve,-- I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander, the great swimmer, Troilus, the first to hire pimps, and a whole book of these former playboys, whose names still flow smoothly in the even rhythm of a blank verse, well, they were never turned over and over as much as I have been in love. But, I can’t show it in rhyme; I’ve tried: I can’t find a rhyme for ‘lady’ except ‘baby,’ a harmless rhyme; for ‘scorn,’ ‘horn,’ a tough rhyme; for ‘school,’ ‘fool,’ a silly rhyme; very unlucky endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming star, nor can I woo with formal words.

Enter BEATRICE
Enter BEATRICE
Benedick

Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?

Benedick

Sweet Beatrice, would you come when I called you?

Beatrice

Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me.

Beatrice

Yes, sir, and leave when you ask me.

Benedick

O, stay but till then!

Benedick

Oh, just wait until then!

Beatrice

’Then’ is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere I go, let me go with that I came; which is, with knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.

Beatrice

"Then" has been said; goodbye now: and before I leave, let me leave with what I came for; which is, to know what has happened between you and Claudio.

Benedick

Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.

Benedick

Only bad words; and because of that, I’ll kiss you.

Beatrice

Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I will depart unkissed.

Beatrice

Bad words are just bad air, and bad air is just bad breath, and bad breath is unpleasant; so I will leave without a kiss.

Benedick

Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?

Benedick

You’ve twisted the meaning of the words, so strong is your wit. But I must tell you plainly, Claudio has accepted my challenge; and either I will hear from him soon, or I will call him a coward. Now, tell me honestly, which of my bad qualities made you first fall in love with me?

Beatrice

For them all together; which maintained so politic a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?

Beatrice

All of them together; they created such a clever state of evil that no good quality could mix with them. But which of my good qualities made you first fall in love with me?

Benedick

Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.

Benedick

Suffer love! A good word! I do suffer love indeed, because I love you against my will.

Beatrice

In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.

Beatrice

In spite of your heart, I think; poor heart! If you hurt it for my sake, I’ll hurt it for yours; because I will never love what my friend hates.

Benedick

Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.

Benedick

You and I are too smart to fall in love quietly.

Beatrice

It appears not in this confession: there’s not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself.

Beatrice

That doesn’t show in this confession: there’s not one wise man out of twenty who will praise himself.

Benedick

An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument than the bell rings and the widow weeps.

Benedick

An old example, Beatrice, from the time of good neighbors. If a man doesn’t build his own tomb before he dies, his memory will last only as long as the bell rings and the widow cries.

Beatrice

And how long is that, think you?

Beatrice

And how long is that, do you think?

Benedick

Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin?

Benedick

Good question: why, an hour of noise and a quarter of tears: that’s why it’s most important for the wise, if his conscience finds no reason to stop him, to announce his own virtues, just like I do for myself. So much for praising myself, who, I must admit, is worthy of praise. And now tell me, how is your cousin?

Beatrice

Very ill.

Beatrice

Very sick.

Benedick

And how do you?

Benedick

And how about you?

Beatrice

Very ill too.

Beatrice

Very sick as well.

Benedick

Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leave you too, for here comes one in haste.

Benedick

Serve God, love me and improve yourself. I’ll leave you here, because someone is coming quickly.

Enter URSULA
Enter URSULA
Ursula

Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder’s old coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath been falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is fed and gone. Will you come presently?

Ursula

Madam, you need to go to your uncle. There’s trouble at home: it’s been proven that Lady Hero was wrongly accused, the prince and Claudio were terribly deceived; and Don John is the one behind it all, he’s been fed and is gone. Will you come right away?

Beatrice

Will you go hear this news, signior?

Beatrice

Will you go hear this news, sir?

Benedick

I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with thee to thy uncle’s.

Benedick

I will live in your heart, die in your lap, and be buried in your eyes; and besides, I will go with you to your uncle’s.

Exuent
Exit

End of Act 5, Scene 2

That's the end of this scene. Want to keep going? Pick up the next one below — or hear it narrated in the app.

Get the iOS app Get the Android app

Read the summary & analysis →

♪ Listen with the app Get it free →