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Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all; My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours: Say that I linger’d with you at your shop To see the making of her carcanet, And that to-morrow you will bring it home. But here’s a villain that would face me down He met me on the mart, and that I beat him, And charged him with a thousand marks in gold, And that I did deny my wife and house. Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
Good sir Angelo, you have to forgive us all; My wife gets angry if I’m late: Tell them I was with you at your shop Watching the making of her necklace, And that tomorrow you’ll bring it home. But here’s a man who would lie about me, He says he met me in the market, and that I beat him, And that I charged him a thousand gold marks, And that I denied my wife and my house. You drunkard, what were you thinking when you said this?
Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know; That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show: If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink, Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
Say whatever you want, sir, but I know what I know; That you beat me in the market, I have your handprint to prove it: If my skin were paper, and the blows you gave were ink, Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
I think thou art an ass.
I think you’re an idiot.
Marry, so it doth appear By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear. I should kick, being kick’d; and, being at that pass, You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
Well, that’s how it looks By the wrongs I’ve suffered and the blows I’ve taken. I should kick you back, since you kicked me; And if I were in your shoes, I’d stay away from my heels and watch out for an ass.
You’re sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer May answer my good will and your good welcome here.
You’re down, sir Balthazar: I hope our cheer Matches my goodwill and your warm welcome here.
I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
I don’t care much for your food, sir, but I appreciate your welcome.
O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.
Oh, sir Balthazar, whether meat or fish, A table full of welcome doesn’t make one dish special.
Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
Good food, sir, is common; even the poorest person can offer it.
And welcome more common; for that’s nothing but words.
And welcome is even more common; it’s just words.
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
A little food and a great welcome make for a happy feast.
Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest: But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. But, soft! my door is lock’d. Go bid them let us in.
Yes, from a stingy host and a miserly guest: But even though my food is simple, take it in good spirit; You may have better food, but you won’t find a better heart. But wait! my door is locked. Go tell them to let us in.
Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!
Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!
[Within] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch! Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store, When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
[Within] Fool, slow-walker, coward, idiot, fool, idiot! Either move away from the door, or sit down at the gate. Are you calling for women, that you’re asking for so many, When one is already too much? Go, get away from the door.
What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
What fool is our doorman? My master is waiting outside in the street.
[Within] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on’s feet.
[Within] Let him go back to where he came from, or he’ll catch a cold on his feet.
Who talks within there? ho, open the door!
Who’s talking in there? Hey, open the door!
[Within] Right, sir; I’ll tell you when, an you tell me wherefore.
[Within] Right, sir; I’ll tell you when, if you tell me why.
Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day.
Why? For my dinner: I haven’t eaten today.
[Within] Nor to-day here you must not; come again when you may.
[Within] Not today, you can’t; come back when you can.
What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?
Who are you, keeping me out of the house I own?
[Within] The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
[Within] The doorman for now, sir, and my name is Dromio.
O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name. The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name or thy name for an ass.
Oh, you villain! You’ve stolen both my job and my name. One never brought me any respect, the other a lot of blame. If you had been Dromio today in my place, You would’ve switched your face for a name or your name for a donkey.
[Within] What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those at the gate?
[Within] What’s all this noise, Dromio? Who’s at the gate?
Let my master in, Luce.
Let my master in, Luce.
[Within] Faith, no; he comes too late; And so tell your master.
[Within] No, he’s too late; Tell your master that.
O Lord, I must laugh! Have at you with a proverb--Shall I set in my staff?
Oh Lord, I have to laugh! Here’s a saying for you--Shall I get my stick?
[Within] Have at you with another; that’s--When? can you tell?
[Within] Here’s one for you--When? Can you tell me that?
[Within] If thy name be call’d Luce--Luce, thou hast answered him well.
[Within] If your name is Luce--Luce, you’ve answered him well.
Do you hear, you minion? you’ll let us in, I hope? OF EPHESUS
Can you hear me, you servant? You’ll let us in, right? OF EPHESUS
[Within] I thought to have asked you.
[Within] I was just about to ask you.
[Within] And you said no.
[Within] And you said no.
So, come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow.
So, come on, help: well done! It was blow for blow.
Thou baggage, let me in.
You troublemaker, let me in.
[Within] Can you tell for whose sake?
[Within] Can you tell me why?
Master, knock the door hard.
Master, knock on the door harder.
[Within] Let him knock till it ache.
[Within] Let him knock until his hands hurt.
You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
You’ll regret this, servant, if I break down the door.
[Within] What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
[Within] What’s the point of all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
[Within] Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
[Within] Who’s at the door making all this noise?
[Within] By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
[Within] Honestly, your town is full of unruly boys.
Are you there, wife? you might have come before.
Are you there, wife? You should have come earlier.
[Within] Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.
[Within] Your wife, you scoundrel! Get away from the door.
If you went in pain, master, this ’knave’ would go sore.
If you were in pain, master, this ‘scoundrel’ would make it worse.
Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would fain have either.
There’s no greeting here, sir, and no welcome: we would gladly have either.
In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
We won’t choose between them; we won’t leave without either.
They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.
They’re standing at the door, master; tell them to come in.
There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
There’s something wrong, we can’t get in.
You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold: It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.
You’d say that, master, if your clothes were thin. Your cake is warm inside; you’re standing out here in the cold. It would drive a man mad, to be treated like this, bought and sold.
Go fetch me something: I’ll break ope the gate.
Go get me something: I’ll break down the gate.
[Within] Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate.
[Within] Break anything here, and I’ll break your fool’s head.
A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind, Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
A man can break a word with you, sir, and words are just air, Yes, and break it in your face, just as long as he doesn’t break it behind your back.
[Within] It seems thou want’st breaking: out upon thee, hind!
[Within] Seems like you want to be broken: get lost, you fool!
Here’s too much ’out upon thee!’ I pray thee, let me in.
Here’s too much of that “get lost!” I beg you, let me in.
[Within] Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.
[Within] Sure, when chickens have no feathers and fish have no fins.
Well, I’ll break in: go borrow me a crow.
Fine, I’ll break in: go get me a crowbar.
A crow without feather? Master, mean you so? For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather; If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together.
A crowbar without a crow? Master, is that what you mean? For a fish without fins, there’s a bird without feathers; If a crow can help us get in, then we’ll grab a crow together.
Go get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.
Just go! Get me an iron crowbar.
Have patience, sir; O, let it not be so! Herein you war against your reputation And draw within the compass of suspect The unviolated honour of your wife. Once this,--your long experience of her wisdom, Her sober virtue, years and modesty, Plead on her part some cause to you unknown: And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse Why at this time the doors are made against you. Be ruled by me: depart in patience, And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, And about evening come yourself alone To know the reason of this strange restraint. If by strong hand you offer to break in Now in the stirring passage of the day, A vulgar comment will be made of it, And that supposed by the common rout Against your yet ungalled estimation That may with foul intrusion enter in And dwell upon your grave when you are dead; For slander lives upon succession, For ever housed where it gets possession.
Have some patience, sir; oh, don’t do this! By doing this, you’re ruining your reputation And making your wife’s untarnished honor look suspicious. Once this happens, your long experience of her wisdom, Her steady virtue, her years and modesty, Will give some unknown reason to excuse her. And don’t doubt, sir, she’ll explain well why the doors are closed against you right now. Please listen to me: leave in peace, And let us go to the Tiger for dinner, And later, come alone in the evening To learn the reason for this strange confinement. If you try to break in forcefully Now, in the busy part of the day, People will talk badly about it, And they will assume it by the common crowd Against your still untarnished reputation That may be sullied with an ugly intrusion And be talked about after your death; Because slander lives on and spreads, Always taking hold wherever it finds a way.
You have prevailed: I will depart in quiet, And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry. I know a wench of excellent discourse, Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle: There will we dine. This woman that I mean, My wife--but, I protest, without desert-- Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal: To her will we to dinner.
You’ve won: I’ll leave quietly, And despite the laughter, I plan to enjoy myself. I know a woman who’s clever and charming, Pretty and witty; wild, yet gentle too: We’ll dine there. This woman I mean, My wife—but I swear, she doesn’t deserve it— Has often criticized me; To her, we’ll go for dinner.
Get you home And fetch the chain; by this I know ’tis made: Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine; For there’s the house: that chain will I bestow-- Be it for nothing but to spite my wife-- Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste. Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.
Go home And bring the chain; by now I know it’s ready: Bring it, I beg you, to the Porpentine; That’s where the house is: I’ll give that chain-- Even if it’s just to annoy my wife-- To the hostess there: hurry, good sir. Since my own doors refuse to let me in, I’ll try somewhere else to see if they’ll reject me.
I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.
I’ll meet you there in an hour.
Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
Alright. This joke will cost me a bit.