As you like it · Act 5, Scene 1

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Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY
Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY
Touchstone

We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle Audrey.

Touchstone

We’ll find a time, Audrey; be patient, gentle Audrey.

Audrey

Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old gentleman’s saying.

Audrey

Honestly, the priest was fine, despite what the old man said.

Touchstone

A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile Martext. But, Audrey, there is a youth here in the forest lays claim to you.

Touchstone

A very wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a truly awful Martext. But, Audrey, there’s a young man here in the forest who’s claiming you.

Audrey

Ay, I know who ’tis; he hath no interest in me in the world: here comes the man you mean.

Audrey

Yes, I know who it is; he has no real interest in me at all: here comes the man you mean.

Touchstone

It is meat and drink to me to see a clown: by my troth, we that have good wits have much to answer for; we shall be flouting; we cannot hold.

Touchstone

It’s a treat for me to see a fool: honestly, we who are clever have a lot to answer for; we’ll be mocked; we can’t help it.

Enter WILLIAM
Enter WILLIAM
William

Good even, Audrey.

William

Good evening, Audrey.

Audrey

God ye good even, William.

Audrey

Good evening, William.

William

And good even to you, sir.

William

And good evening to you, sir.

Touchstone

Good even, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy head; nay, prithee, be covered. How old are you, friend?

Touchstone

Good evening, kind friend. Cover your head, cover your head; no, please, cover it. How old are you, friend?

William

Five and twenty, sir.

William

Twenty-five, sir.

Touchstone

A ripe age. Is thy name William?

Touchstone

A good age. Is your name William?

William

William, sir.

William

Yes, William, sir.

Touchstone

A fair name. Wast born i’ the forest here?

Touchstone

That’s a nice name. Were you born in this forest?

William

Ay, sir, I thank God.

William

Yes, sir, I thank God.

Touchstone

’Thank God;’ a good answer. Art rich?

Touchstone

"Thank God;" that’s a good answer. Are you rich?

William

Faith, sir, so so.

William

Well, sir, so-so.

Touchstone

’So so’ is good, very good, very excellent good; and yet it is not; it is but so so. Art thou wise?

Touchstone

"So-so" is good, very good, very excellent good; and yet it’s not; it’s just so-so. Are you wise?

William

Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.

William

Yes, sir, I have a bit of wit.

Touchstone

Why, thou sayest well. I do now remember a saying, ’The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.’ The heathen philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth; meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and lips to open. You do love this maid?

Touchstone

Well said. I now remember a saying, "The fool thinks he’s wise, but the wise man knows he’s a fool." The old philosopher, when he wanted to eat a grape, would open his mouth when he put it in, meaning that grapes are for eating and lips are for opening. You love this girl?

William

I do, sir.

William

I do, sir.

Touchstone

Give me your hand. Art thou learned?

Touchstone

Give me your hand. Are you educated?

William

No, sir.

William

No, sir.

Touchstone

Then learn this of me: to have, is to have; for it is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty the other; for all your writers do consent that ipse is he: now, you are not ipse, for I am he.

Touchstone

Then learn this from me: to have is to have; because it’s a figure of speech that when you pour drink from a cup into a glass, filling one empties the other; and all the writers agree that "ipse" means "he." Now, you are not "ipse," because I am he.

William

Which he, sir?

William

Which "he," sir?

Touchstone

He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you clown, abandon,--which is in the vulgar leave,--the society,--which in the boorish is company,--of this female,--which in the common is woman; which together is, abandon the society of this female, or, clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding, diest; or, to wit I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into death, thy liberty into bondage: I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o’errun thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways: therefore tremble and depart.

Touchstone

He, sir, who must marry this woman. So, you fool, leave—meaning "quit"—the company—meaning "the group"— of this woman—meaning "this girl;" which together means, leave this girl, or you’ll die; or, to put it another way, you’ll be dead; or, simply, I’ll kill you, get rid of you, turn your life into death, your freedom into chains: I’ll deal with you using poison, or a beating, or a sword; I’ll fight with you in a faction; I’ll overwhelm you with cleverness; I’ll kill you a hundred and fifty ways: so tremble and leave.

Audrey

Do, good William.

Audrey

Go ahead, good William.

William

God rest you merry, sir.

William

God bless you, sir.

Exit
Exit
Enter CORIN
Enter CORIN
Corin

Our master and mistress seeks you; come, away, away!

Corin

Our master and mistress are looking for you; come, hurry, hurry!

Touchstone

Trip, Audrey! trip, Audrey! I attend, I attend.

Touchstone

Hurry, Audrey! hurry, Audrey! I’m coming, I’m coming.

Exuent
Exuent

End of Act 5, Scene 1

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